boys will be boys.

Originally this was supposed to be a Worldess Wednesday post - but this is what I get for leaving the room when the three of them are together. really, it was my fault. I know better.

I'm pretty sure my husband and his best friends are really best lovers. They spend way too much time hanging out and hiding in back rooms together and then act very secretive every time one of us women folk enter the room. I do credit his s...

Wordless Wednesday

The Nutcracker

One of the big events planned for the holiday season was a girls trip to see the Nutcracker ballet with my mom, sisters and two women that I've considered second moms since I was in fifth grade. These ladies and their families have had a hand in help shaping me into the woman I've become and it's such a blessing to have the opportunity to pull qualities and characteristics from them that I hope to emulate as a mom. The fact that they were able to join us made the day that much better.

At three and a half I wanted to make sure that Bella had the best chance possible of making it through the ballet without any meltdowns so about a week before Thanksgiving we started reading the book every couple nights and I borrowed Barbie and the Nutcracker from the library (the Barbie movie, while keeping true to the Nutcracker story, was brutal). Prior to the ballet she was able to recite the parts of the story she was looking forward to seeing so I was confident we'd make it through.

While the whole ballet was amazing, nothing was better than Bella's awe watching it. When the curtains raised and the orchestra was loudly playing, her head looked like a typewriter scanning left to right and back again trying to soak it all in. Not to say she wasn't a little confused though - about twenty minutes into the performance she asked me when the ballerinas were coming out. Apparently if you're not wearing a tutu, you're just not that serious. She also lost interest pretty quickly into the second act when al the different dancers in the Land of Sweets were performing. She wanted to dance in front of her seat, and as long as she was quiet I didn't have a problem with it. -until I turned to get her some fruit snacks to buy time and by the time I turned back around she was standing on her tiptoes hands raised above her head dancing her own ballet down the aisle... fortunately when the Sugar Plum Fairy and Prince (?) came out for their performance Bean was completely captivated once again.

When the final curtain fell and we were herded out of the auditorium the dancers were in the lobby to greet everyone for pictures, which was a really nice surprise because Bella was stoicly excited to see them up close and immediately followed her cousin Lili's lead to ask for autographs and pose pretty for a picture. I'm pretty sure we either got a picture or an autograph from 90% of the performers and were definitely among the last ones to leave. If she chooses to be a ballet roadie I suppose I should count my blessings...

a holiday girls night to the Nutcracker - makes my heart happy

for every cute picture there were about five goofy ones... come on, just. say. cheese.

Layla on the Move

Little Miss Layla Grace is breaking my heart a little how quickly she's growing already. She's 11 weeks and already developing more quickly than her siblings did. This mama doesn't think it's fair. not. fair. at. all. She's super strong; it's a challenge to give her a bath because I can't get her to sit down easily since all she wants to do it stand. She's started to smile all the time, which just makes her features seem so mature and she's no longer my newborn. ((sob!))

I took the kids to Andrea's today and Layla was feeling like a showoff - I'm sure it had absolutely nothing to do with her doting aunt ohhhing and ahhhhing over every little thing she did. I held her weight and wanted to see if she wanted to try bouncing and jumping but she was more interested in walking. Why wouldn't she at three months??

NeRdY tHiRtY

Justin turned thirty last week and it was really important to me to throw him a birthday party that would make him feel as loved and appreciated as he is by so many. Since his birthday is so close to Halloween, and he's an engineer that loves over-explaining, I decided to have some fun with the theme and threw a "Nerdy Thirty" party for him. Everyone was encouraged to come dressed as a nerd and for the most part, people really got into it and came dressed the part! 

I started planning the party a few months ago since I knew it'd be a little hectic to take on a big party so close after having a baby and I was really pleased with how everything turned out. I had a lot of help from his mom and was able to remain pretty stress-free until the days immediately leading up to it. Justin's mom made a ginormous cupcake for the centerpiece of the dessert table and the plan was to stencil in a bunch of math symbols until we found this ridiculously huge Smarties that fit with the theme perfectly! The remainder of the cupcakes had Nerds or a "30" graphic I made - all in all I think it looked really sharp and even though it was cupcakes, still masculine.

I borrowed a couple ideas I saw online as birthday cards and made them my own by blowing them up and hanging on the walls so you couldn't miss the nerd theme no matter where you were. I also had my brother send me a math equation that equaled 30 and I scribbled it repeatedly on our front door Goodwill Hunting style and a couple other places throughout the house (convenient having a high school math teacher at your beckon call!). Still, even after Justin tried to explain what all the symbols were, I have no clue. I have to admit, planning this party (especially the decorations) made me feel a little stupid since I often didn't understand the joke or know if it was funny until Justin started laughing.

Unfortunately I didn't get a lot of the pictures of the tables for appetizers or the chili bar. I'm not sure if I was the biggest fan of the chili bar, but it's fine if I was because it was a cold autumn night and it was delicious. We had three different types of chili (beans, no beans and white chicken chili) with all the condiments available (cheese, sour cream, onions, cornbread and Fritos). But by the time people were over and it was time to set the food out, my camera was borrowed for our mock photo booth (and I was a little too tipsy after a half hour to remember to snag it back) but it all went with our color scheme and looked really cool.

Ohhhh the photo booth. That ended up being a lot of fun and everyone checked egos at the door and were really goofy and had a good time - which thrilled me because I was a little nervous about it. Justin had some old sheets from college that had a dark blue and light blue checker pattern that reminded me of graph paper so I stretched it out, stapled it to a wooden frame and we hung it on the wall in the kitchen so when people stood with it and a hollow picture frame it made for some fun pictures!

Ugh, I also missed a full-length photo of Justin and I in our "costumes". He was in a NASA lab coat and a shirt with the pi sign on it with high-water jeans, white socks and dress shoes. It was hilarious, and oddly not that different from his everyday... haha! I had a graphic t-shirt with suspenders, pigtails, thick glasses with tape, a pleated skirt, white knee high socks and Chuck Ts. 

Austin was a bit of a distraction as I was trying to write the math equation on the door:

Nerd Alert

Wordless Wednesday

more pictures to come from Justin's Nerdy Thirty party! 

My Mister Mister

This boy warms my heart. He completely makes me a crazy person but he cracks me up and definitely keeps me on my toes. One of my greatest hopes for him is that he'll keep the joy that he finds in everything (even though it tends to be found in a cabinet or drawer he shouldn't be getting into) and he'll continue to be known for his ear-to-ear smile. God bless it.

Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

Throughout my adult life I’ve found that when concerning change – when it rains it pours. The last couple months have certainly not been the exception to the rule. Outside the best and most obvious change rocking our sense of normalcy in the form of Layla, I feel like I’ve been in a game of dodgeball and I'm either constantly avoiding the red rubber balls of change, or seeing one that appears catchable, only to have it rock me in the face and seemingly knock me out of the game.

Fortunately for me, God is graceFULL and when I was dodging the wrong ball, he’d lob it at me again – this time slowly and underhand making it completely obvious which ones I’m supposed to grasp on to. I’ll never claim to be the smartest person ever, sometimes it works best to speak slowly and use small words… Silly analogy aside, life looks a lot different now than it did eight weeks ago. Most of it’s good, some of it’s just requires adjustment as we continue to try to settle into us.

We learned a couple weeks before Layla was born that Justin didn’t get the job in Colorado with the wind energy company. It was disappointing news for all of us – it goes without saying I took it the hardest because the opportunity was such a tease – but I’m still extremely proud of my husband for getting as far as he did and dedicating so much time to the process of getting us to Colorado. It will happen eventually, now’s just not the time.

Alanis may find it ironic, but it wasn’t lost on me that days after we found out Colorado was out of the picture, Justin got a call from a different recruiter about a job opportunity in Cleveland with another aerospace company. I went ahead and took the house off the market before he even interviewed – I just knew he was going to get it. Sure enough, the day before Layla was born Justin got the official offer. This job answers all the prayers and meets our financial needs, it just lacks a few mountains in the distance, but that's okay. I'm bummed I can't brag that my husband works for NASA anymore, but he's got a lot more responsibility with this new position and I can't stress enough about the answered prayer financially. So he signed a 12 month contract and I'm now in the process of making our house "ours" instead of the neutered house we had for showings.

Bella's started preschool in September and absolutely loves it. She's thrilled every morning she realizes it's a school day and is very serious about the time we spend going through her school folder as she empties her backpack at night. Still, she's very much a three year-old and each wrap-up of the school day starts and ends with what they had for snack until I prod for details about the letter of the week or what she picked up from story time. Every day it both warms my heart and breaks it a little when I watch her walk hand in hand with her teacher into school. Even though she's only gone a couple (glorious) hours twice a week, I can't get over how much she's already grown and they don't lie... time flies.

Austin has really started coming into his own the last few weeks. He's not that interested in Layla, but it's like the addition of an infant triggered something in him to start making the merge from baby to toddler. *sigh* This has come with tantrums (his I think will eventually put Bella's to shame) but mostly a love of learning new words and small phrases along with following directions (YAY!) and playtime with Bella. He's still all boy and gets into everything with no intention or curiosity outside of just making a mess. And you know those moms that are so embarrassing and have their child on a leash that they've tricked them into thinking was a backpack? Hello, nice to meet you. Aint no shame in keeping track of my son, he's a flight risk.

Just to make sure I'm completely overwhelming myself I'm trying to throw a quality 30th birthday party for Justin. Usually for his birthday we go to dinner or have the backyard bbq with family and friends. Since this is really the first milestone oh-my-gosh-you're-old birthday I really want to make a big deal out of it for him. He deserves to know he's loved and appreciated - and celebrated accordingly. I've decided on a "Nerdy Thirty" theme and along with help from his mom I think this should be pretty legit. The party is Saturday though and there's still lots to do for it, so excuse me while I go breathe in a paper bag to keep the anxiety attack at bay.

Also, speaking of change, a big shout out to my friend Jenn for the much-needed facelift she gave my blog! I've been staring at the same design for about four years, so I was seriously excited for something different. You can check out all her awesome work here.

Once Upon a Time

The benefit of making babies with a rocket scientist is my children will stand a chance of being smart like daddy. They can thank me later. I read this book to Bella only a few times weeks ago and she found it in the van and told the story - albeit it altered - practically perfect to what was happening on each page. Aside from being ridiculously cute (true story) she's one smart cookie with an impressive memory!

Miss Layla Grace

Baby’s birth announcement is long overdue, she’s three weeks old now and I’ve got no bragging on my blog. It’s simply unacceptable because she’s completely amazing. So with no further ado (there actually will be more following the picture, but it sounded right) I give you Miss Layla Grace –

Because the placenta previa went away I didn’t have to have a c-section but we still planned to be induced because the majority of my help post-baby and with the two Littles at home, was coming from Colorado in the form of my mom and sister. It was certainly not an easy task to get them here in time. First, they had to change their tickets after the c-section was canceled and then there was serious stress if they’d make it in time because I was dilated 3 cm with two weeks to go and Andrea was cutting it close, not coming until 12 hours before I was set to go to the hospital. I made sure not to even sneeze to make sure Baby would stay cooking until my family arrived.

When the day finally came we made an early start to the hospital and I was sure we’d meet Baby before noon since I was already so far dilated and they say the more children you have the faster labor goes… no dice. It was still a relatively quick day since my doctor is a Rock Star and likes to kick up the pitocin every time she came in the room, but I was anxious throughout the day anyway and the nurses seemed to be moving so slowly. The hospital was on day two using a new computer system and since my nurse was practically archaic with her computer skills, it was an extra long day and I was ready to take part and actually DO something and participate in bringing Baby here.

After the epidural (and I basically washed the med student’s feet with my tears straight biblical style) I asked my OB to check me because even though the nurse said I wasn’t contracting enough, I was pretty sure things were ready to get started. Justin was about to leave for the cafeteria (again) so he was shocked to be called back because I was at 10 cm and we were ready to go! When she asked me to try pushing, the baby crowned, and everything intensified. Three pushes later, we met our new baby girl! I have to say, the moment of the big gender reveal wasn’t as exciting as I was hoping (the heavens opening, light shining on her, “hallelujah” in the background... the usual.) our doctor did hold her up in what can only explain as the naaaa sevenjaaa moment in the Lion King's Circle of Life. Still, in hindsight I would have rather found out the gender at the midway ultrasound.

Even more surprising than finding out it was a girl (I was pretty sure the entire time that it was another girl) was her extremely dark brown, stick-straight hair. Finally, a child that may look like me! At that point we realized none of the names on our list were very fitting for her, except Layla, and it still took over 24 hours to officially name her. I was stuck on the middle name because I’d always assumed we’d use “Elizabeth” after a dear family friend and my favorite character from a novel and movie (Ms. Bennett from Pride & Prejudice is a serious kind of hero) but again, it just didn’t seem quite perfect anymore.

So I turned to Andrea and asked her to help name Layla. It was special because I wanted her to share in some part of Layla because we were supposed to share much more, so I at least wanted to share my daughter’s name. When I found out I was pregnant, I called Andrea to tell her and in true fashion, she let me go on and on about it before telling me she was also expecting and she was due ONE day before me. We were both ecstatic to be pregnant together and deliver so close together. Unfortunate doesn’t do justice to the feeling when I heard from her husband that she’d miscarried a couple weeks later. Again, true to her nature she was more than happy to come to Cleveland to be in the hospital room with us for Layla’s birth. She chose the perfect name to follow Layla – Grace. It already speaks to the strength in her personality and the fighter I can tell she’s going to be. “The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair” and I see Layla wanting to share that with others. God willing.

30 Things Before I'm 30

A couple months ago I came up with an idea to make up a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30 – it's just a way to keep things interesting (like three kids won't take care of that on their own!) and keep me accountable to some things I've always wanted to do, and just haven't yet. The idea isn't to be a bucket list - there are lots of things I'd like to do including much more travel - but just aren't practical to hit by this milestone.

While most of the things on my list are brand new and still to-do, there are a couple that I've already accomplished, and I'm including those to. I had some big dreams and plans when I graduated high school and am damn proud of what I’ve accomplished in the eleven years since then… so they count. There are a couple things I’ve already done that don’t qualify as proud moments, but were definitely good memories. Plus, it will get me to devote time to write about them.

So, I invite you to join me on this journey and keep me accountable for 22 things to accomplish in 12 months… 30 stories in 365 days.

30 Things to do Before I’m 30

TO DO:
1. run a half marathon
2. get a tattoo
3. learn to play the guitar
4. stop cussing
5. apply to grad school
6. climb a 14er
7. make a pineapple upside-down cake
8. a girls weekend in Las Vegas
9. audition for the Amazing Race
10. write a children’s book, even if it’s just for my kids
11. do 10 random anonymous good deeds for 10 random people
12. find three jobs for Justin to apply for overseas
13. start a company on etsy.com with Andrea
14. finish a devotional front to back
15. read a literary classic
16. take my kids camping
17. pay off a credit card or student loan
18. make a fancy shmancy five course meal complete w/ table settings
19. fire a gun
20. attempt a power hour
21. learn Portuguese well enough to order a meal with Alex
22. attend religious services for two faiths outside my own

DONE:
23. get married
24. have kids
25. graduate college
26. work for a professional sports team
27. go on a mission trip
28. be in a play
29. sneak into a movie after you’ve just seen one
30. have an uncontrollable giggle fit at the most inappropriate moment

Bella's First Concert

Wordless Wednesday

will we stay or will we go now?

I’m not sure how to start this post, so I’m jumping in: Justin got a call out of the blue from a recruiter at a wind energy company in Colorado a couple weeks ago and had a phone interview with a group of executives in England last Thursday. He was told to expect to hear from them Friday or today regarding Round II and an interview in Colorado… now it’s today and we haven’t heard anything. I’m not sure what an anxiety attack feels like, but I feel like this has to be close to it.

Before I’m tagged dramatic – which I know I can be – this position is an answer to prayers across the board in terms of finally relocating back to Colorado, finances, vacation, maintaining awesome health care, a position Justin is legitimately excited about, etc. etc. so to have this golden carrot thrown in front of us out of nowhere and now the insecurity creeping in that he may not get the position and said carrot may be yanked away is just overwhelming.

About a month ago Justin and I were having a conversation and I mentioned how I was pretty content about living in Ohio for another year because there was little movement on our house that’s been for sale for over a year, and it’d been quiet on the job front. Joe (one of J’s best friends from high school) and Molly just moved back a couple weeks ago and they have a daughter a few months older than Austin, and are expecting their second about two months after Baby Gump. We’ve always enjoyed hanging out with them and were pretty stoked about sharing the same area code again. My closest girl friend had just accepted a new job in Cleveland, ensuring she wouldn’t be leaving any time soon, and the high chance that my sister moving from Colorado in the next several months all combined to an acceptance that this may be His plan for us for now – and that was okay.

To feel settled and planning for the near future, then get my hopes up so high and now the fear that a dream opportunity may not happen terrifies me because I’m not sure how I’m going to slip back into a place of contentment. I am so tired of feeling unsettled and feel like I’ll be helpless to it all over again. I know it sounds weak and pathetic. I’m aware and unhappy with myself for feeling it – but that’s honest.

I think possibly the very worst part of this is the clarity it’s giving me to my walk and faith, or lack there of. I know with 100% certainty that God has a plan for our family, and that His plan is better than I can imagine, but from the initial phone call this has felt like every time God directs my life once I’ve finally relented control. My junior year of college when I got a late phone call with an internship opportunity with USA Basketball after not getting multiple internships I’d interviewed for. The phone call from the Cavaliers with an offer for not just a job, but my dream job, in the months that I was working two jobs to contribute. Consistently He provides when I let go.

While at first I was confident, excited and thankful that this was His hand at work again – now the cloud of doubt has grown and I wonder if He’ll allow my heart to break to bring me closer. Or will He allow it to happen because… heartache happens and it’s just not His timing right now. He’s not a manipulative God, a mastermind moving game pieces at His discretion just for fun. But at this point I find myself second guessing and even asking others to pray for us joking that God would see right through me coming to Him for help when I’ve been so quiet lately, but really thinking “just maybe…” ugh, I feel so lame.

The thing is, even in the midst of insecurity, when I can remove the emotion and just think logically (which happens next to never) there’s not one part of me that can wrap my head around him NOT making it to the second round and then after they’ve met him, not hiring him. It’s completely a ludicrous thought. Unfortunately instead I feel like I’m standing in front of a giant wave that, if it hits me, will knock me backward and thrash me around a bit until I can somehow finally figure which way is up and surface for a deep breath.

I probably shouldn’t even share this post – my emotions are elevated, I’m hormonal and I feel like a crazy person. But it’s real and raw and I figure fair game.

so much for scripting

A past post about placenta previa is here with an explanation on what it is exactly and what’s so unnerving about it.

We had another ultrasound a couple weeks ago to see if the placenta had moved away from my cervix. The specialist gave us an 80% chance of everything remaining as is, and guessed that it would likely still be covering the cervix and a c-section necessary. In most cases the placenta will gravitate north as the baby grows and you expand to make room for everything, but that was just not the case for us and the specialist was right.

It has moved a tiny bit – while it was completely covering the cervix, and even into the cervix a bit, it’s moved to only marginally covered as the placenta moved a half a centimeter to the great north. Unfortunately it has to be at least two centimeters from the cervix to be considered clear and good, and it’s still technically securely in place down low. nuts.

I talked to my OB at my most recent appointment to understand better what everything means for planning ahead… because I absolutely have to have a plan. Even living over a thousand miles away my mom hasn’t missed a birth, and Baby Gump is certainly giving us a challenge. Especially considering how heavily I’m going to rely on her to help take care of the Littles while I’m in the hospital, and I know I’m going to want my mommy when I’m recovering from the surgery, I’m up for the challenge. So I present you with Plans A, B and C:

Plan A) we have another ultrasound on August 9th and if the placenta is still in place we schedule an amniocentesis on August 26th to make sure the baby’s lungs, etc. are developed enough for the c-section. If the test results give the okay, we go straight to labor and delivery and baby makes three. I’ll be a day shy of 38 weeks and at first my OB was nervous about allowing me to go that late because of the risk of bleeding if I start dilating. BUT she’s pretty surprised I haven’t bled yet at all, so she’s confident that I can last to nearly 38 weeks. There’s a chance of bed rest if there’s spotting toward the end but as long as there’s nothing too severe, we should be in the clear.

Plan B) we have another ultrasound on August 9th and if the placenta has moved past the two centimeters then everything is a wash and we’ll wait to let Baby come in their own time around the due date of September 10th.

Plan C) we have another ultrasound on August 9th and the placenta is still in place or has moved back to where it was eight weeks ago and the specialist won’t let me wait until the end of the week for the 26th and has me schedule the amnio a week prior or that Monday or Tuesday the 22nd or 23rd. My OB is on vacation then and I’d be way more comfortable with her doing the c-section so I’m hoping that’s not the case, plus then my mom has to try to move up her flight last minute, which would be a headache and I’d imagine hurt the pocketbook.

While it’s exciting to know the potential date that we’ll know this baby but also slightly terrifying because it’s right around the corner now, which is overwhelming. We’ve been starting to move rapid fire now switching rooms around and nesting has completely kicked in. Unfortunately I’ve had a huge problem with the sciatic nerve in both legs (it’s always frickin got to be something, ugh.) which makes it so difficult to walk by the end of every day that I have to wear a belly brace to help carry the weight of Baby and hopefully ease the pain.

It’s also directly put all the stress of physically getting things done squarely on Justin’s shoulders. I can tell he’s likely close to his breaking point with all the pressure he has to carry in supporting our family nearly on his own since I’m just literally not able to help as much as usual. Now we’re trying to settle into new routines with renewed expectations and it will hopefully help release a lot of stress. We’re just exhausted… it’s only going to get easier with three, right?!

a picture six weeks ago at my college roomie's baby shower - wouldn't have pictured this seven years ago! so much fun sharing pregnancies with friends!

this was also the last time I've worn heels this summer... hello swelling. Sweet Moses.

To One of the Best

As per usual, there is much to blog about. For some reason I can’t commit to the keystrokes to make them happen… I need to give an update on the pregnancy with Baby Gump (previa is still firmly in place so c-section it is. meh.), a treasured and must needed visit from my sister and her kiddos, the car shopping experience for a car I don’t even want (just call me Soccer Mom!) and general updates on my Littles including speech screenings for Bella, development milestones for Austin, some one liners from Bell and pictures and videos that make my heart happy. None of those will be covered today though, instead in honor of one of my best friends’ birthdays I want to talk about Miss Mandy Lee.

To date one of my favorite summers of my life started immediately after high school graduation and lasted until the day my new found friend went to college. It’s been dubbed the summer of Dana and Mandy and we have countless inside jokes that always come up when we’re reminiscing – and we laugh every time because separately we’re pretty funny but together we’re downright hilarious. at least that’s what we’ll tell you with every opportunity.

Mandy and I were in similar social circles in high school – which is a lie because she was way more popular than I was but we at least had overlapping friends so I’ll call it a similar circle – and during one off period toward the end of the school year we were talking about how unfair it was that we don’t get to wear any special ropes to signify our almost-smarty pants, because we may not have had a high enough GPA to warrant them, but we sure tried hard. sometimes. We exchanged numbers and decided we were going to go to the craft store and find our own that we’d wear for good measure. That of course never happened but it was enough to start us on our merry way…

That summer we went to Rockies games, youth group outings, crashed boys only trips to Water World, celebrated birthdays, had our first drink (okay, mine.), went to clubs for the first time (okay, again mine. yeah, 18 and up. haha!) a most-memorable trip to Kansas, speeding tickets, crushes, etc. etc. A few highlights include the time we were at the water park bouncing our tube back and forth to each other while waiting in line, and when I almost fell down the stairs of the tower of the ride we were waiting for because I wasn’t looking when she bounced it to me, this old guy told us our stupidity was a team effort. I’m pretty sure we were meant to be offended but we found it hysterical and it’s been our mantra ever since. On our drive to KU to visit my sister we stopped at a gas station to pee – which happened at least ten times – and each time we’d don our Hawaiian hats and leis and make our way in. One stop a little boy tugged on his dad’s shirt and asked why we’re dressed like that. His response was that we clearly didn’t get enough attention as children. Again, may offend most but we laugh about it still.

Even though we’re not able to talk as much as we once did, I don’t feel like we’ve ever drifted. My life settled quickly with a husband, babies and a mortgage while she’s traveled all over and lived in Miami, New York City and now Los Angeles. It’s such a blessing how even with fairly different lifestyles our unspoken connection and similarities compliment each other and I truly believe we bring out the best in each other. She has one of the kindest hearts I know and a child-like innocence in the way she chooses to view the world around her that draws you in and makes you want to be around her. At the same time, she’s a strong woman that knows her value and doesn’t allow others to take advantage of it. Best part is, at the end of the day she’s much like me – feisty as hell. a perfect compliment!

Here’s to you Mandy – MissYouLoveYou!

Baby Einstein

Wordless Wednesday

One Small Step for my Little Man

We're consistently asked when we're out in public if Austin is always the cheerful, happy and charming baby he appears to be. While he is for the most part (when he's not crying he's smiling) it's sometimes a challenge to explain his little personality... he's the sweetest baby with an incredibly strong will. Really, he's just stubborn but I feel like "stubborn" has a negative connotation and strong willed can be a positive character trait. Thank you thesaurus.

For example, he never ate baby food - he went straight from a bottle to table food. No rice cereal, no nasty peas in a jar... straight to steak and potatoes. (or pizza. whatever.) Then it was the transition from a bottle to a sippy cup... he'll go the entire day without drinking any milk, which he loves more than anything, because it's not in a bottle. He'll be crying for milk while he's holding a sippy cup full of it, but won't drink from a cup because he doesn't want to.

Now it's walking. Justin and I thought for sure he'd be walking well before his first birthday. At nine months-old he was pulling himself up standing and climbing up the stairs. He's mastered holding your hands and walking, and walking along furniture but has no interest in walking on his own. If you let go of his hand and encourage him to take a couple steps he folds his knees in and starts crawling to the carrot held above his head. BUT today he teased us with a couple steps! Needless to say we were pretty thrilled and excited and as you'll see, Bella was stoked to get in the mix and help him along as well. I love those moments of our small family as we share milestones together. YAY!

Austin walking at 12 1/2 months:


just for fun here's Bella walking at 12 months (first birthday!):

Them are fighting words

Today I experienced a serious case of mama bear when I took Bella to a bounce house playroom. I was already at a disadvantage to the day when I forgot the umbrella stroller so had to carry Austin in the baby bjorn atop of my pregnant belly. (super comfortable… false.) Bean was doing really well, playing far more fearlessly than I thought she would, even trying games I thought she’d be far too little for.

She was in an actual bounce house really enjoying herself when she wasn’t being knocked over by an overly aggressive boy who must have had seven pixie sticks before coming. I told her when she got knocked down to just get up quickly and move to an area not as many kids were playing. It was working wonderfully until she was knocked down and pinned by a little girl in the middle of the mat. She didn’t cry but was obviously upset so when a group of boys bounced them and the girl was knocked off Bell tried to get up and move. Then the girl tackled her and pinned her by lying on her face – again.

The girl was no bigger than Bella but my girl wouldn’t fight back so she just laid there eyes locked with mine and an uncomfortable, confused and scared look on her face as this girl pinned her and kids bounced around her. I started yelling at the girl trying to get her attention and when she looked up I saw that she had Downs Syndrome – she smiled at me then placed her attention back to her task at hand, smothering my daughter. A little unsure what to do I looked around at the other moms watching their kids and demanded to know whose daughter the girl in pink was… nothing.

By this point Bella had managed to try to get up again after the girl fell off after a bad bounce, but was unable to get away prior to being knocked over and laid on again by Pink Lady. I was seriously pissed because Bella was starting to cry and get frantic so I started unsnapping Austin from the baby bjorn ready to climb in after her when Bell was finally able to get away after she fell off again.

Her mom finally came over and came up to me after getting her daughter out of the bounce house and asked me not if Bella was okay but what the problem was. Ummmm where do I start? So I explained what had happened and she blew it off excusing her daughter for not knowing what she was doing. Like hell she didn’t know what she was doing – she may not have known what she was doing was wrong, but that’s this mom’s fault. Instead I just told her she obviously needs to be keeping an eye on her kid more if she behaves aggressively and doesn’t know that it’s wrong. Not what the mom wanted to hear, not that I care, and she started to lay into me a little and I just walked away with Bella in hand. My blood was boiling for hours and I kept coming up with retorts I coulda/shoulda/woulda said… I know I’m better for not saying anything, but I came up with some good stuff!

I know that you shouldn't judge someone without walking a mile in their shoes, and I can't even imagine raising a child with additional obstancles to overcome... but it was especially frustrating because instead of making it a teaching moment she enabled it with quick excuses and I wonder how long she'll continue doing that and to what degree. You don't have to do as I do, but if you're not willing to teach your child right from wrong what does that set them up for? ugh.

Anyway, I’ve realized recently that I have to start legit parenting now… more than making sure they’re still breathing by each birthday. Bella was watching me as I talked to that other mom. I want her to know that I will always always have her back and support her, but I also need her to see me be kind to someone making me mad since I continuously tell her to be kind to others. I have to set an example, because her little eyes and ears are watching and retaining things now.

Pressure’s on.

...I see you!

a pick-me-up I get daily... I get to spend the day with his guy. Love him!!

Operation Previa Prevention

We had our ultrasound on Friday at 19 weeks – after waiting over an hour to go back for the appointment (seriously why is it they tell a pregnant woman to drink a ton of water and then make you wait so long? I had to pee and then refill my jug of water… twice. completely unproductive.) Anyway, I had a feeling that something was off, but nothing that made me incredibly fearful, just a feeling.

Before I remind you what they say about a woman’s intuition… our little baby is 100% healthy and measuring perfectly. We didn’t find out the gender so for now he/she remains affectionately Baby Gump. I, on the other hand, currently have placenta previa. I think babycenter.com has the best explanation of what it means now and what it could mean later. Basically the placenta is below the uterus instead of next to or above it which is bad news bears because it’s completely covering my cervix. At this point I was reminded why I became a Communications major when they began, God forbid, using medical terms I should know since I’ve had two babies, but had no clue. So... the explanation I wish I had in that office:

Typically placenta previa goes away by itself before the third trimester and labor and delivery gets to happen as per usual. If it doesn’t go away then a c-section is necessary and scheduled 2-3 weeks before the due date. My understanding is it’s scheduled early because if the cervix starts to dilate when the placenta is still covering it, it can tear and bleeding happens – which it goes without saying is no bueno. Unfortunately the high-risk OB we saw looked at my ultrasound and deliberated pretty quickly that it would likely not go away. He actually gave an 80% chance that it stays. meh.I’m struggling with this because I know completely that the baby’s health is the most important, but in the back of my mind I’m pretty sad and scared. Justin and I figured and hoped to have three children – but we were surprised to find out we were pregnant so quickly after Austin was born, especially since we weren’t trying to conceive. It was also overwhelming to learn I was pregnant when I was just barely in the throws of being a stay-at-home mom, and feeling like I was sinking as it was.

In an attempt to feel less overwhelmed I started looking ahead toward the things I loved most about having babies. After nine months of pregnancy I loved finally being able to be an active part of getting the baby here to meet us when it was time to push (as a pseudo control freak this was especially sentimental to me). I LOVED having the babies put on my chest and having a moment that was just us, however brief it would last, as it was kind of the last time it was just me and them like it had been all the months in utero. I loved the connection that was quickly and luckily seamless formed when I breastfed within minutes of birth. This… as I understand goes out the window with a c-section. My girlfriend Molly who had to have one said it was more than two hours before she saw her baby again after seeing her quickly on the other side of the c-section curtain. Two hours?! It just makes me sad to know that the things I love, I may miss.

I’m also scared… I truly don’t mean to go to worst case scenario but it’s hard to hear and read the possible complications and not assume it’ll happen to me. (Keep in mind I am the girl who was hit by two semi-trucks by the time she was 23. Sounds dramatic, but seriously.) In the midst of this I’ve learned I’m really lucky to not have had any bleeding yet, but there seems to be this three strike policy where if you report having bled three times you’re put on bed rest if not hospitalized until the baby arrives. Justin keeps glossing over that possible reality because he knows it would make me a crazy person – and WTF would we do if I couldn’t take care of the kids all day? I could, without exaggeration, curl up and cry at the thought of bleeding or hemorrhaging again (it happened when I miscarried my first pregnancy and was quite literally the worst experience of my life). None of the negative might happen, but the fact it exists is mildly terrifying. I don’t go through life fearing it, but this is getting to me.

I also understand that the 80% chance it’ll still be here in my third trimester is nothing to God. He couldn’t care less about percentages or expert opinions… and I’m grasping onto that reality as tightly as I can, but I’m not as strong as I used to be able to convince myself I am. So, prayers right now are appreciated… for my heart to accept the outcome and push the fears to bay and my mind to rest and be at ease. I don’t mean for this post to be so Negative Nancy, especially in light of our healthy growing baby and a c-section is really truly not that big of a deal, I’m just struggling.

from a recent conversation with my friend Mandy (who makes my heart happy): "How many days call for 80% chance of rain, and end up sunny? You don't pack an umbrella for an 80% chance of rain."

Wordless Wednesday

First Birthday

I was really excited to have the opportunity to celebrate Austin's first birthday in Colorado with our CO friends and family... it's too far and few between that we get the opportunity to celebrate birthdays (ours or theirs) with them. Although he had absolutely no idea what all the fuss was about, he thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to eat all day. He only weighs 20 pounds but this kid eats more than Bella already… if there’s food in front of him, he’ll keep eating. I don't know of another 12 month-old that eats three pancakes, eggs and strawberries for breakfast and would've finished more if we didn’t take food away from him.

He was in his element being passed from one person to the next, charming each and every one of them with his sweet smile. He especially liked when everyone was eating, he was like a migrating bird crawling around getting pieces of everybody’s lunch. When it was time for his cake he was fascinated by the flame and took full advantage of all the frosting Justin had to use to fill in my second attempt at his smash cake. Sweet Moses.

call the docker

I have lots to post (including Austin's first birthday, a look back at his birth story, our trip to Colorado and what will likely be a long winded story about me not finding Bella after waking up from a nap and calling the sheriff...) but as per usual I am too tired - or lazy - to update all of it now so instead I want to share a video we got of Bella singing her newest favorite song: five little monkeys. She loves to sing it, but can't count down from five on her own quite yet, so we're starting at four silly monkeys, and stuck there for now. Still, so cute though, and I love how happy Austin is to be around her. One of the few things that boy loves more than music is his sister... love them.

country road trip

Because I forgot my camera on the "adventure" Bella, Austin and I went on last weekend, I'm left to tell the story the same way Justin got it throughout the trip, via picture messages. We packed up and took off for a five hour drive on Thursday, made it past Cincinnati and then finished the road trip to Nashville another five hours later the next day... thankfully the trip went much smoother than I thought. Bella was thrilled about going on our adventure, and more importantly the movies she got to watch in the car, so the meltdowns were nonexistent.

who needs a binky? this kid's ready for his first road trip!

they saved all their energy all day for the hour before (and ultimately after) bedtime - it would have been annoying if it weren't so cute watching them play together!

Bella loved getting spoiled, especially with a trip to the ice cream parlor...
she was in her element.

we figured it was the safest way to travel in Nashville...

sharing a bed with Bella at the hotels was an awesome time.

we had a great few days spent in Nashville - Emily and Rob were great hosts and Bella was completely enamored with them both. She trailed Ms. Emily around the house asking question after question (actually it was usually the exact same question repeated 15 times) and then playing Mr. Rob's piano and singing for their friends when they came over. It was nice to spend time with Witt and catch up with her in her element... I miss my friend!

so snow stuck

I’m not sure I’ll be complaining about cabin fever for a bit after last night. In an effort to get out of the house we joined Justin’s parents for lunch about an hour south of us. We’d recently had a few days of sunshine tease us so we were a little disheartened when a light snow dusted the ground the day before, but since it hadn’t snowed all day yesterday we thought nothing of loading up the babies and making the trip. (cue disaster music)

About halfway through the drive on the way there the snow picked up and the travel slowed down. I’m not sure if it’s because I grew up a Colorado resident or I’ve been hit by two semi trucks and feel invincible, but it really didn’t seem like the roads were that bad so I was incredibly aggravated how slow things were moving. I wasn’t driving though so I had to sit passively in the passenger seat as Justin obeyed all traffic laws and was a courteous driver abiding by the 10 mph speed limit the drivers in front of us set. We made it eventually and enjoyed a nice couple hours with his parents and then started the drive back, knowing it would take longer than the hour it was supposed to, but never ever imagining what was in store for us:

It took us 45 minutes to go about 12 miles but spirits were lifted when we reached the highway and assumed we would actually be able to start moving, albeit at a slow pace, we wouldn’t be dealing with the stop and go of a small town in love with stop signs. When we got on the on-ramp J had to brake immediately to get out of the way of a van reversing back on to the road and we saw two semi-trucks chillin on the side of the ramp. We looked ahead and traffic was moving (again, slowly but still moving) so we figured we’d go ahead and continue on the highway. (turn up disaster music)

We made it about two miles before coming to a complete stop for the next FIVE hours. Apparently there were a lot of accidents at one time so the frickin county decided to simply close the highway so they could clear some of the accidents… it would’ve make sense if they also permitted people from entering the highway, but they didn’t, so we literally drove on to a closed highway and it was just a matter of time until we caught up with the location that was halted. It would also make sense to close the if they planned on sending plowing or salting the roads to make it safer for drivers after they were opened again, but they didn’t do that either.

So, for five hours we sat in Justin’s five-passenger car with the babies slipping in and out of meltdowns. At one point Justin’s dismay was obvious when he looked over and Bella, Austin and I were all crying at the same time. haha! It only lasted a minute (my crying – theirs was much more impressive) but I was losing my mind. Luckily we had brought our portable DVD player so Bella alternated between a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Christmas episode and listening to Beauty and the Beast on disc. She made it through both about 12 times. (this only aided to me turning into a crazy person).

Poor Austin wasn’t feeling well and quickly got a fever and was restless and pretty inconsolable unless he was laying on my chest sleeping. The extra weight right on my pregnant bladder did wonders… so at hour 4.5 I finally broke down and told Justin we had to figure something out. We were looking through the car and didn’t see any viable options, plus all the cars around us still had their headlights on so running to the side of the road wasn’t an option either. It wasn’t until I saw the beautiful red gleam from a Dr Pepper can I had put out of Austin’s reach on Justin’s side door that I had hope! Justin pushed as much of the top into the can as he could and I made him turn his head as I made use of my superior skill from peeing in so many cups at the doctor’s offices and filled the can to. the. brim. Didn’t spill a drop, I was pretty proud.

Justin had an easier time figuring out how to relieve himself (so unfair how much easier it is for guys!) and as he simply opened his car door and was beginning to breathe a little easier, someone appears out of nowhere one car in front of us and starts waving a flashlight at us. My heart stopped, I heard Justin catch his breath when we realized it was a police officer. Luckily he had no idea the shenanigans going on from our car and was instead waving us on to try to drive up the hill in front of us.

PRAISE THE LORD! Seriously, I did because I knew my good friend from home, Babette, had been praying for us and we turned out to be one of about 10 cars they let go. Justin was a rock star and got us to the top without much trouble, but some of the cars around us weren’t so lucky so they closed the road again and J’s sister who was about a mile behind us had to wait an additional two hours! So, six hours later and the needle now pointing much closer to E than when we’d started we were finally moving and on the way home.

I’m more than a little nervous for the drive to Nashville I’m going to attempt on Thursday because I think both babies are pretty fed up of the car, but refuse to be defeated before trying… so fingers crossed! Lesson learned though, there will be a box in the back of my car with blankets, food, water and most importantly, better entertainment.

Lets Make a Deal

I haven't written much about the process of trying to sell our house because it was a pseudo-secret for much of the time it was on the market the first time around... that's right, first time around which was a big discouraging fail. We're officially on Round II now and feel much better about it time around. We have a new realtor who seems to be aggressive about helping us sell this house. The whole process has been pretty bittersweet because we truly love our house and our huge yard, but it's unfortunately not in the preferred state, and my heart remains in Colorado. Honestly the best case scenario would be if we could just pick up our house (I'm super strong so it shouldn't be a problem) and move it to the mountains. Not so possible as it turns out so we'll be traditional if we must and try to sell it.

There are about fifty things that have been making this difficult... none of the least of the hurdles is the Ohio house market blows and it's practically impossible to sell your house to break even, let alone make money. We understand that what we may lose here, we can make up for when we buy our next house... but I'm a recent SAHM and we're just not in a place to lose money on the forefront. We decided to list the house for less this time around to garner more attention and the right buyers, but we will literally have extremely minimal wiggle room which makes me nervous that we may actually make it to a place where we get offers but nothing will come of it when they low ball us and we go back to them with basically the same amount we're asking for.

Truly though, not just saying it, in the back of my mind a song my Mother-in-Law sings the babies "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do" rattles around in the back of my mind. I know with 100% certainty that if it's God's will we be able to move home we will. I'm equally fearful that His will is that we stay longer and my heart won't be changed to accept the direction for our family. "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do."

Our realtor sent over a stager to help us prepare the house to re-list and she had some pretty fantastic and overwhelming suggestions. Mostly a lot of painting in the main three rooms you see when you walk in our house. I really like her suggestions too, just makes me want to uproot the house to Colorful Colorado all the more. Conveniently I'm not going to be able to help with any painting since I'm pregnant so, once again, it all falls on Justin's shoulders. ((sorry J!)) Instead I'm going to drive down to Nashville this weekend with the babies to get out of the house and give Justin free reign and four days to get the painting done. I'm really excited for the excuse to visit Emily and am confident the change of scenery will help eliminate our cabin fever.

So, for now, I remain overwhelmed but encouraged.

catching up with bullets

• My sister and I are thinking of starting an online store on etsy to sell rag quilts. They've become a sort of hobby of ours (and awesome gifts that we get to make) and I'm obsessed with etsy, but a quick search showed really not many people are selling them. They make awesome gifts so hopefully we can be successful with it... but we can't come up with a name for our store or the time to make some for stock that aren't already predetermined as gifts.
• With the exciting news of our pregnancy comes the sad realization that I'll miss out on pomegranate margaritas this summer... a small price to pay I'm aware, but since our weekend in Chicago last September I've oh so been looking forward to sharing a pitcher of margs and some chips and dip on the patio with anyone willing to throw a few back. meh.
• Although I love winter, my recent SAHM status is giving me serious cabin fever and I'm ready to get out with the babies to enjoy a little sunshine, should Cleveland ever provide it. We went on a walk around the block yesterday and Bella was completely in her element pedaling her little heart out on the tricycle my parents gave her last year. I think she'll be more well behaved when she can spend her extra energy outside... and I need a better behaved toddler. (I'm well aware of the irony of that statement - but a girl can dream)
• I don't regret my decision to quit my job and be home with the babies, in every way it was the best decision for our family, but I can't pretend to have rose colored glasses and say this hasn't been really hard. My mommy dating has been a bust so no play dates for this mama. We get out of the house plenty going to the gym, story time at the library or just running errands, but J just started tutoring after work (surprisingly good money, and a huge blessing) so I'm home alone even longer each day. I just need to figure a way to have a better heart about this - I understand it's a fleeting time in my life where life is simply not about me - but it's a challenge all the same. Some days just feels like my day is meant to keep babies from crying and clean up the same mess over and over. I can't say I've had an entire good day, but I've had enough of the moments from them that melt my heart.
• I absolutely love hearing Justin play with the babies... Bella has this deep belly laugh that is guarenteed to come out when they play, and Austin laughs in delight to just be a small part of whatever their little adventure or game is. It is literally the sweetest sound I can think of and I'm hooked.
• I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to continue going to the gym with my pregnancy (or at least how long it will be worth the cost since I can only get my heart rate so high and am not supposed to lift more than 15 pounds) but I've enjoyed it for the time being. I can't say that Zumba is my favorite class, but it is the class I attend most. It is the most embarrassing thing ever. I always thought I had an ounce of rhythm in me (I'm a quarter Puerto Rican for goodness sake, it has to be in me somewhere) but it turns out, not so much. I've set a few rules in place for reach time I go: avoid looking in the mirror at all cost, find someone who knows less what they're doing than you do, never ever go with anyone you know, don't take yourself too seriously and laugh freely, openly and with no abandon. I would go ahead and take that last one to heart and apply it to all aspects of life... I'm going to go back to that, finding joy in the little things.

my eggs are like vaccuums

We were blessed, excited, nervous, overjoyed, overwhelmed and SURPRISED when we found out six weeks ago that we are expanding the family once again and "Baby Gump" will make an arrival around September 10th!

In every way our cup runneth over.

live, laugh, dance.

We had just finished Mulan for our weekly movie night and she was loving the song that played during credits so, not entirely uncommon for Bella and I, we stopped everything for a quick dance party! She is such a nut, I love this girl!

for your viewing pleasure, there's this one showing off her 1/8 Puerto Rican passion!

you've got a friend in me... please.

I'm entirely aware of the necessity of finding other moms in the area to network with. As it stands I'm sincerely happy with the decision I've made to stay at home with the babies but if I'm not speaking in baby-talk I'm alone in my thoughts all. day. long. Turns out I'm not entirely all that interesting and I'm bored with myself. SO I've started mommy-dating.

I kind of thought it wouldn't be all that hard to meet other moms since I'm relatively outgoing and am willing to start a conversation with a stranger even if the thought that they wouldn't like me, or will be a teacher-sweater, still makes me want to throw up. Knowing I needed to be on the prowl and meet some mamas, I took advantage of an opportunity when I was at Starbucks a couple months ago and there was a woman who commented a few times on how cute Bella and Austin are (please know you can absolutely buy my love) and she mentioned she had a son about Austin's age at home. On a closer nonchalant look I saw she was doing a bible study and my gaze drifted to her side to notice, to my delight, she had a really cute purse... this, I thought, could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Justin and I have been together for over nine years (we dated for four years before we got married five years ago) so it's been awhile since I've been in the dating game so I was ridic nervous when, as I was leaving, I stopped by and gave her my phone number. and then I peed myself. so nervous. With good reason beause a week passed and nothing. I reminded myself it was the week before Thanksgiving - who calls a newbie in the midst of holiday fun? Then, the week after Thanksgiving my phone rang with a call from my new maybe-friend to meet for coffee and a play date at the mall. It was as awkward as a first date is supposed to be, but we did manage to have good conversation, she was really nice and by all accounts she seems to be a relatable mom. Thumbs up!

Until I never saw her again. I think it was my turn to call to initiate another play date but the days got away from me and a couple weeks after coffee it was Christmas, then New Years, then no legitimate excuse other than it had been too long and I was embarrassed and feeling sheepish for not calling. On my drive home from the gym today I saw the church she mentioned she attends so I figured that was a good enough reason for a random text to say that I think I saw where she attends since it took nearly five minutes of our conversation at coffee explaining where it was. I didn't say we should get together again, there was something about leaving the ball in the other person's court rattling around in my head. When she wrote back she was consistantly nice and equally noncommital about making plans soon... frickin ball in my court! ...I think I'm supposed to wait 24 hours before texting back. I don't want to appear over-eager and scare her off. Dating is harder than I remember!

There was one other mom I hoped had promise that I met at Gymboree Play and Learn with Bella... her hair was styled and cute, they were dressed cute - sans poms or appliqued animal shapes - and our girls naturally played together so I thought maybe something. Until I saw her put her Uggs on (not knockin' Uggs, love 'em!) but when she slipped the baby Uggs on her daughter I figured we were on the verge of snooty and I wouldn't be able to keep up. The baby Uggs were enough to keep from talking after class, the nerd alert was ringing from high school, and I figured I'd wait until after the next class to see how it went. She never came back so that pretty well settled it.