so snow stuck

I’m not sure I’ll be complaining about cabin fever for a bit after last night. In an effort to get out of the house we joined Justin’s parents for lunch about an hour south of us. We’d recently had a few days of sunshine tease us so we were a little disheartened when a light snow dusted the ground the day before, but since it hadn’t snowed all day yesterday we thought nothing of loading up the babies and making the trip. (cue disaster music)

About halfway through the drive on the way there the snow picked up and the travel slowed down. I’m not sure if it’s because I grew up a Colorado resident or I’ve been hit by two semi trucks and feel invincible, but it really didn’t seem like the roads were that bad so I was incredibly aggravated how slow things were moving. I wasn’t driving though so I had to sit passively in the passenger seat as Justin obeyed all traffic laws and was a courteous driver abiding by the 10 mph speed limit the drivers in front of us set. We made it eventually and enjoyed a nice couple hours with his parents and then started the drive back, knowing it would take longer than the hour it was supposed to, but never ever imagining what was in store for us:

It took us 45 minutes to go about 12 miles but spirits were lifted when we reached the highway and assumed we would actually be able to start moving, albeit at a slow pace, we wouldn’t be dealing with the stop and go of a small town in love with stop signs. When we got on the on-ramp J had to brake immediately to get out of the way of a van reversing back on to the road and we saw two semi-trucks chillin on the side of the ramp. We looked ahead and traffic was moving (again, slowly but still moving) so we figured we’d go ahead and continue on the highway. (turn up disaster music)

We made it about two miles before coming to a complete stop for the next FIVE hours. Apparently there were a lot of accidents at one time so the frickin county decided to simply close the highway so they could clear some of the accidents… it would’ve make sense if they also permitted people from entering the highway, but they didn’t, so we literally drove on to a closed highway and it was just a matter of time until we caught up with the location that was halted. It would also make sense to close the if they planned on sending plowing or salting the roads to make it safer for drivers after they were opened again, but they didn’t do that either.

So, for five hours we sat in Justin’s five-passenger car with the babies slipping in and out of meltdowns. At one point Justin’s dismay was obvious when he looked over and Bella, Austin and I were all crying at the same time. haha! It only lasted a minute (my crying – theirs was much more impressive) but I was losing my mind. Luckily we had brought our portable DVD player so Bella alternated between a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Christmas episode and listening to Beauty and the Beast on disc. She made it through both about 12 times. (this only aided to me turning into a crazy person).

Poor Austin wasn’t feeling well and quickly got a fever and was restless and pretty inconsolable unless he was laying on my chest sleeping. The extra weight right on my pregnant bladder did wonders… so at hour 4.5 I finally broke down and told Justin we had to figure something out. We were looking through the car and didn’t see any viable options, plus all the cars around us still had their headlights on so running to the side of the road wasn’t an option either. It wasn’t until I saw the beautiful red gleam from a Dr Pepper can I had put out of Austin’s reach on Justin’s side door that I had hope! Justin pushed as much of the top into the can as he could and I made him turn his head as I made use of my superior skill from peeing in so many cups at the doctor’s offices and filled the can to. the. brim. Didn’t spill a drop, I was pretty proud.

Justin had an easier time figuring out how to relieve himself (so unfair how much easier it is for guys!) and as he simply opened his car door and was beginning to breathe a little easier, someone appears out of nowhere one car in front of us and starts waving a flashlight at us. My heart stopped, I heard Justin catch his breath when we realized it was a police officer. Luckily he had no idea the shenanigans going on from our car and was instead waving us on to try to drive up the hill in front of us.

PRAISE THE LORD! Seriously, I did because I knew my good friend from home, Babette, had been praying for us and we turned out to be one of about 10 cars they let go. Justin was a rock star and got us to the top without much trouble, but some of the cars around us weren’t so lucky so they closed the road again and J’s sister who was about a mile behind us had to wait an additional two hours! So, six hours later and the needle now pointing much closer to E than when we’d started we were finally moving and on the way home.

I’m more than a little nervous for the drive to Nashville I’m going to attempt on Thursday because I think both babies are pretty fed up of the car, but refuse to be defeated before trying… so fingers crossed! Lesson learned though, there will be a box in the back of my car with blankets, food, water and most importantly, better entertainment.

grab coffee, it's a long one

There have been a few things I’ve been meaning to write about (how many of my posts start like that? too many I’m sure…) and never find time to do it. not that there’s not time to do it, it just never happens. very disappointing. SO here’s my life in bullet point:

· Bella is growing so quickly (real observant I know) and I’m left feeling like I can’t figure out a way to really savor every day because we’re just making it through one day at a time... and now she’s nine months old. AUGH! Two weeks ago she got bumped from one classroom at church to another because she’s a crawler… they could break it to a new mom a little more gently than a sudden, she’s too old for this classroom and will be graduating high school and moving out and getting married in no time! (okay, maybe it wasn’t quite like that, but that’s what I heard!) Needless to say – tears! I’ve been taking advantage of sales for new summer clothing lines, and learned quickly in Target that she’s no longer in the infant section (there’s basically zero selection even for 9-12 months) and we have to buy clothes from the toddler racks. TODDLER?! I started breathing harder as I blindly piled clothes into the cart (Justin loved that) and walked away clutching my baby a little too tightly. She also has seven teeth now, eats cheerios and is really showing her personality – particularly when she’s crabby. not fun for anyone. I was talking with a girlfriend and realized I’m going to have to start really thinking about my parenting style because even though I’ve been a parent, I haven’t really had to parent, whatever sense that makes. Now that she’s swinging at me and throwing fits for no reason (I thought that didn’t happen until she was two?!) we need to figure out how to respond to it. me crying in the corner isn’t going to work much longer. ha!

· My parents bought tickets to come out for Bella’s birthday and Andrea just bought tickets for her and Lili to come out as well – it’s still over two months away but I’m SO excited to have everyone here to celebrate her day!! I’m a huge nerd and am already thinking about what theme her party will be but football and basketball games seem to be what best holds her attention at this point and I can’t picture her blowing her candle off a basketball cake. oh my.

· We’ve been talking more and more seriously about trying to sell our house and make the move back to Colorado – I can’t even explain how nervous I am to go back, but I the network that I need, especially in this new role of mom, is there… the market here is SO depressing though. Justin showed me that there are four houses within five miles of our house that have foreclosed and are listed for under 100k, which does no favors for us. Plus, he was always confident he’d be able to get a job wherever we moved, so selling the house was going to be the biggest hardship; now with the sweet economy the way it is, we’re not sure if the job or house will be the stumbling block. I’m not sure how to go at this anyway but blindfolded and have faith that it will work out if it’s supposed to. fingers crossed…

· Justin and I were encouraged by our small group leader to participate in Lent this year and have taken the challenge – no, we’re not Catholic, but I really like the approach to it: this is borrowed by Mike - sorry dude, I figure if the Pastor can use it I can too – The Lenten season is a 40 day period of time many Christians spend in contemplation of Christ's sacrificial death for us, as well as our own areas of sin, seeking the gift of repentance. You've probably heard of people giving things up for Lent, and I think that in general it is a good thing to do. A few things to consider fasting: TV, movies, non-Christian books, food, alcohol, the internet (except as needed for work), etc. Certainly things you think can get in the way of your relationship with God are good things to put aside for a season. A fast is usually only good if you replace it with something better - so if you ditch the TV, replace that hour with Bible reading and prayer. If you fast food for certain days, use the tummy rumblings as a reminder throughout the day to throw up prayers for yourself and others. Be serious about it - if you're going to not watch TV, for example, unplug the stupid things in your house and turn 'em backwards if you have to. so Justin’s not drinking alcohol and I’m not drinking Dr. Pepper and we’re both keeping the TV turned off until 9:00 p.m., which is pretty huge for us because we watch far too much TV. It’s been pretty cool so far actually because Bella’s in bed by 8:00 and so we have that hour to just the two of us. In the future we want to take that time to do our bible studies, have dinner together, get our house ready to put on the market and just enjoy the time together. So far I’ve fallen asleep before 8:30 (had to be the lack of Dr. Pepper) and the other night watched the Cavs game (it IS work technically!). TMI WARNING – we were talking about what we could give up for 40 days, and Justin slyly suggested I give up abstinence. HA! crap…

soundtrack of my life

I’m sure some people’s life soundtracks are considerably cooler than mine – it’d be some ancient rock band that’s just recently appearing on worn vintage tshirts for sale in department stores. It’d be the kind of music that very few people really “get”, except conveniently for the he and she in a romantic comedy who are so obviously destined to be together. One of the reoccurring names on the soundtrack to my life is Michael W. Smith.

One of my favorite roles in the choir performances at church when I was in middle school was based around one of his songs (I was no better at singing then than I am now, but my dad worked with the youth group and I think the pastor had pity on me, ha!) and I’m familiar with all his synthesizer praise music from the 90s from church and my parents stereo. As long as I can remember, I’ve known his music.

He was one of my very first concert experiences when my dad brought us to Praise in the Rockies. I saw him in 1996 when my youth group traveled to California for a youth conference called DC/LA and in 10th grade when I was asked to write about an influential person, my essay was about him. It was the first time I can remember I was made fun of for my beliefs.

When Columbine happened just 40 minutes from my high school and I was walking through the hallway weary of the students who still wore trench coats I found comfort in the song he wrote for the girl who answered a sweet and simple “yes” to her belief in God before she was killed. The album he released the year I graduated was on constant replay, and my parents used one of the songs in the senior video they played at my graduation party.

His instrumental CD “Freedom” was the only thing I could listen to while studying all four years of college – and it never got old. The first time Justin and I ever slow danced happened to be to one of his songs, and we danced to it again for the first time as man and wife. I used three of his songs on “Freedom” during my wedding procession as the candle lighters set the ambiance for the ceremony and parents and grandparents were seated. It could not have been more perfect. I had this CD in the background during the ridiculously long labor day with Bella – it’s what she was welcomed into this world with.

One of the CDs we play for Bella to fall asleep was a gift for her baby shower and lulls her to sleep with instrumental versions of all his best singles. The best part of opening this present is this is literally the first time I’ve ever really told people how much of an influence his music has had in my life – in the background, once again, it was just there.

My favorite holiday, without a doubt, is Christmas and ever since the first Christmas season we spent together dating, Justin takes me to some kind of Christmas concert. We’ve seen the Nutcracker, the Christmas Story and this year we saw Michael W. Smith’s Christmas concert with music from the CD he released last year. It was much simpler than the concerts I’m used to from my job, but it was simple and intimate and I loved it. He sat and played at the piano for most of it and although it had his hokie parts (as most of his albums have) it was awesome – and Bella’s first concert. She sat in our laps and rocked back and forth with this huge smile until she finally fell asleep.

SO, I know it’s not incredibly impressive or cool, but it’s surprisingly meaningful and mine.

Thanks Teach...

Justin and I took a Baby Basics class tonight - I've tried pretty hard not to get too crazy reading all the different articles and books with every different opinion under the sun on topics I didn't even know I was supposed to be thinking of. At the same time, we don't want to be ignorant so we figured this would at least be helpful.

Not so much. I only feel worse now... sort of. The woman who taught the class started with the cliche there are no stupid questins, but very quickly moved onto leaving me questioning why I didn't already know that. Things I now know I'm already doing wrong: I planned on using a bumper in her crib; I would have used lotion and not vegetable oil if I were to give her a massage; I was going to use a positioner to keep her on her back; I'd planned on swaddling her in one of her receiving blankets to put her to bed instead of a burrito-blanket; I would have only burped her at the end of feeding instead of every 1/2 - 3/4 of an ounce - and didn't I mention no bumper?! Did anyone else use a bumper?!

She was so end of the world about everything too. Basically if we do one single little thing wrong, Baby Bail is screwed. This is something I've already known for some time, but I've been living comfortably in denial. The instructor was definitely an Uncle No Fun. Instead of leaving the class feeling confident that we would be able to figure it out and handle the unknown, I left cranky and doubtful.

-which is better than feeling violated like I will be by the end of the day tomorrow after my OB appointment. She's going to start checking if I'm dialted. That's been another part of my living in denial, I haven't had to use the stirrups at all so far, and I was hoping I'd only have to when Baby actually comes. And if that weren't enough, I also have to get a Group B Strep test where, for those of you unfamiliar, I just recently learned they swab the vajayjay and around the badonkydonk. They didn't do all this to the women on the Oregon Trail, and they had babies all the time! frickin' geez...

a few things...

• In the shower this morning I noticed I can no longer see my feet
• Despite my best efforts, I got stretch marks -- but not on my stomach, no one tells you you can get them anywhere suffice it to say I won't be wearing swimsuits anytime soon (or ever again)
• Another little tidbit no one felt necessary to share: you start leaking long before the baby comes, old wives tale says that means breastfeeding won't be as difficult, at this point I just would have liked a warning. The first time it happened I thought I had drooled on myself!
• I'm pretty convinced that our baby is going to be "Baby Girl" for at least a few days - we absolutely can't decide on a name that we both like... and everytime I mention a name we're considering I get so many opinions about them that we're done sharing until her announcement.
• I'm left wondering after every shopping trip why the maternity tops are cut so high... clearly the designers haven't been looking forward to filling out a bra their entire life. Have they never heard flaunt it if you've got it?! geez...
• We went registering for Baby Bail last weekend, I've been back a few times and still I'm so overwhelmed by it all. I remember registering for wedding gifts and it was basically the same thing. We had lists of suggested items but are left wondering still the difference between what we'll need and what's extra.

I leave you with a picture Justin and I took on New Years Eve -- at the beginning of my pregnancy I asked him to go pound for pound with me, but not so much anymore. At our last OB appointment the doctor said I'm supposed to gain 1-2 lbs a week so I let him off the hook! I'll get another picture up soon, this was six weeks ago!