One Small Step for my Little Man

We're consistently asked when we're out in public if Austin is always the cheerful, happy and charming baby he appears to be. While he is for the most part (when he's not crying he's smiling) it's sometimes a challenge to explain his little personality... he's the sweetest baby with an incredibly strong will. Really, he's just stubborn but I feel like "stubborn" has a negative connotation and strong willed can be a positive character trait. Thank you thesaurus.

For example, he never ate baby food - he went straight from a bottle to table food. No rice cereal, no nasty peas in a jar... straight to steak and potatoes. (or pizza. whatever.) Then it was the transition from a bottle to a sippy cup... he'll go the entire day without drinking any milk, which he loves more than anything, because it's not in a bottle. He'll be crying for milk while he's holding a sippy cup full of it, but won't drink from a cup because he doesn't want to.

Now it's walking. Justin and I thought for sure he'd be walking well before his first birthday. At nine months-old he was pulling himself up standing and climbing up the stairs. He's mastered holding your hands and walking, and walking along furniture but has no interest in walking on his own. If you let go of his hand and encourage him to take a couple steps he folds his knees in and starts crawling to the carrot held above his head. BUT today he teased us with a couple steps! Needless to say we were pretty thrilled and excited and as you'll see, Bella was stoked to get in the mix and help him along as well. I love those moments of our small family as we share milestones together. YAY!

Austin walking at 12 1/2 months:


just for fun here's Bella walking at 12 months (first birthday!):

Them are fighting words

Today I experienced a serious case of mama bear when I took Bella to a bounce house playroom. I was already at a disadvantage to the day when I forgot the umbrella stroller so had to carry Austin in the baby bjorn atop of my pregnant belly. (super comfortable… false.) Bean was doing really well, playing far more fearlessly than I thought she would, even trying games I thought she’d be far too little for.

She was in an actual bounce house really enjoying herself when she wasn’t being knocked over by an overly aggressive boy who must have had seven pixie sticks before coming. I told her when she got knocked down to just get up quickly and move to an area not as many kids were playing. It was working wonderfully until she was knocked down and pinned by a little girl in the middle of the mat. She didn’t cry but was obviously upset so when a group of boys bounced them and the girl was knocked off Bell tried to get up and move. Then the girl tackled her and pinned her by lying on her face – again.

The girl was no bigger than Bella but my girl wouldn’t fight back so she just laid there eyes locked with mine and an uncomfortable, confused and scared look on her face as this girl pinned her and kids bounced around her. I started yelling at the girl trying to get her attention and when she looked up I saw that she had Downs Syndrome – she smiled at me then placed her attention back to her task at hand, smothering my daughter. A little unsure what to do I looked around at the other moms watching their kids and demanded to know whose daughter the girl in pink was… nothing.

By this point Bella had managed to try to get up again after the girl fell off after a bad bounce, but was unable to get away prior to being knocked over and laid on again by Pink Lady. I was seriously pissed because Bella was starting to cry and get frantic so I started unsnapping Austin from the baby bjorn ready to climb in after her when Bell was finally able to get away after she fell off again.

Her mom finally came over and came up to me after getting her daughter out of the bounce house and asked me not if Bella was okay but what the problem was. Ummmm where do I start? So I explained what had happened and she blew it off excusing her daughter for not knowing what she was doing. Like hell she didn’t know what she was doing – she may not have known what she was doing was wrong, but that’s this mom’s fault. Instead I just told her she obviously needs to be keeping an eye on her kid more if she behaves aggressively and doesn’t know that it’s wrong. Not what the mom wanted to hear, not that I care, and she started to lay into me a little and I just walked away with Bella in hand. My blood was boiling for hours and I kept coming up with retorts I coulda/shoulda/woulda said… I know I’m better for not saying anything, but I came up with some good stuff!

I know that you shouldn't judge someone without walking a mile in their shoes, and I can't even imagine raising a child with additional obstancles to overcome... but it was especially frustrating because instead of making it a teaching moment she enabled it with quick excuses and I wonder how long she'll continue doing that and to what degree. You don't have to do as I do, but if you're not willing to teach your child right from wrong what does that set them up for? ugh.

Anyway, I’ve realized recently that I have to start legit parenting now… more than making sure they’re still breathing by each birthday. Bella was watching me as I talked to that other mom. I want her to know that I will always always have her back and support her, but I also need her to see me be kind to someone making me mad since I continuously tell her to be kind to others. I have to set an example, because her little eyes and ears are watching and retaining things now.

Pressure’s on.

...I see you!

a pick-me-up I get daily... I get to spend the day with his guy. Love him!!

Operation Previa Prevention

We had our ultrasound on Friday at 19 weeks – after waiting over an hour to go back for the appointment (seriously why is it they tell a pregnant woman to drink a ton of water and then make you wait so long? I had to pee and then refill my jug of water… twice. completely unproductive.) Anyway, I had a feeling that something was off, but nothing that made me incredibly fearful, just a feeling.

Before I remind you what they say about a woman’s intuition… our little baby is 100% healthy and measuring perfectly. We didn’t find out the gender so for now he/she remains affectionately Baby Gump. I, on the other hand, currently have placenta previa. I think babycenter.com has the best explanation of what it means now and what it could mean later. Basically the placenta is below the uterus instead of next to or above it which is bad news bears because it’s completely covering my cervix. At this point I was reminded why I became a Communications major when they began, God forbid, using medical terms I should know since I’ve had two babies, but had no clue. So... the explanation I wish I had in that office:

Typically placenta previa goes away by itself before the third trimester and labor and delivery gets to happen as per usual. If it doesn’t go away then a c-section is necessary and scheduled 2-3 weeks before the due date. My understanding is it’s scheduled early because if the cervix starts to dilate when the placenta is still covering it, it can tear and bleeding happens – which it goes without saying is no bueno. Unfortunately the high-risk OB we saw looked at my ultrasound and deliberated pretty quickly that it would likely not go away. He actually gave an 80% chance that it stays. meh.I’m struggling with this because I know completely that the baby’s health is the most important, but in the back of my mind I’m pretty sad and scared. Justin and I figured and hoped to have three children – but we were surprised to find out we were pregnant so quickly after Austin was born, especially since we weren’t trying to conceive. It was also overwhelming to learn I was pregnant when I was just barely in the throws of being a stay-at-home mom, and feeling like I was sinking as it was.

In an attempt to feel less overwhelmed I started looking ahead toward the things I loved most about having babies. After nine months of pregnancy I loved finally being able to be an active part of getting the baby here to meet us when it was time to push (as a pseudo control freak this was especially sentimental to me). I LOVED having the babies put on my chest and having a moment that was just us, however brief it would last, as it was kind of the last time it was just me and them like it had been all the months in utero. I loved the connection that was quickly and luckily seamless formed when I breastfed within minutes of birth. This… as I understand goes out the window with a c-section. My girlfriend Molly who had to have one said it was more than two hours before she saw her baby again after seeing her quickly on the other side of the c-section curtain. Two hours?! It just makes me sad to know that the things I love, I may miss.

I’m also scared… I truly don’t mean to go to worst case scenario but it’s hard to hear and read the possible complications and not assume it’ll happen to me. (Keep in mind I am the girl who was hit by two semi-trucks by the time she was 23. Sounds dramatic, but seriously.) In the midst of this I’ve learned I’m really lucky to not have had any bleeding yet, but there seems to be this three strike policy where if you report having bled three times you’re put on bed rest if not hospitalized until the baby arrives. Justin keeps glossing over that possible reality because he knows it would make me a crazy person – and WTF would we do if I couldn’t take care of the kids all day? I could, without exaggeration, curl up and cry at the thought of bleeding or hemorrhaging again (it happened when I miscarried my first pregnancy and was quite literally the worst experience of my life). None of the negative might happen, but the fact it exists is mildly terrifying. I don’t go through life fearing it, but this is getting to me.

I also understand that the 80% chance it’ll still be here in my third trimester is nothing to God. He couldn’t care less about percentages or expert opinions… and I’m grasping onto that reality as tightly as I can, but I’m not as strong as I used to be able to convince myself I am. So, prayers right now are appreciated… for my heart to accept the outcome and push the fears to bay and my mind to rest and be at ease. I don’t mean for this post to be so Negative Nancy, especially in light of our healthy growing baby and a c-section is really truly not that big of a deal, I’m just struggling.

from a recent conversation with my friend Mandy (who makes my heart happy): "How many days call for 80% chance of rain, and end up sunny? You don't pack an umbrella for an 80% chance of rain."