snips & snails & puppy dogs tails

so much for not finding out! I was the one pushing for a surprise because I thought it would be such an awesome moment - and I'm sure it would be - we just won't know this time! Really, to do the whole waiting thing, I think the second child is the worst option. just foolish. crazy. absurd. you get my sentiment. PLUS I got permission from my Mormor to find out - and she was the one I was most worried would be disappointed if we changed our minds because she was so thrilled with the idea that we would wait to find out.

THAT SAID, as you can see in the blog below clearly it hasn't been fun for us not to know. Justin has wanted to know the gender the entire time - I had it in my head that it would be really neat to wait. He remembered from the first pregnancy how he felt more connected knowing we were anxiously awaiting our baby girl. Taking that into consideration, along with my desire to have everything organized and ready and my need for a distraction in life and something to throw myself into right now made it a pretty easy decision. We wanted to know and we had a way to find out so dang it, we were going to find out! After six phone calls to Andrea assuring her it wasn't a test and YES we really did want to know and no we wouldn't hold it against her for opening the envelope we know that (drum roll please...........................................................)


I WAS RIGHT! I've been 80% sure the entire time it was a boy... this pregnancy has felt so much different than the first and I just had that feeling! *SIGH* I'm so glad we know now, and to be completely honest - I'm glad we did it the way we did! I think what still made this such a unique surprise was how we found out. Instead of hearing it from a technician we got to find out from my sister, which made it that much more special! Her voice cracked when she told us, I started crying, J was fist pumping and he's nearly certain Alex teared up as well when they were on the phone after Andrea and I were done with our girly gushing! Oh my gosh, I am completely thrilled, we are so blessed. Our baby boy!!

so, for those of you disappointed we found out - that's quite alright - if there's a B3 I told Justin there's no way we would find out. and I'm mostly completely confident I'll be able to hold out for the surprise. probably.

Boy? Girl? UGH!

We had our second ultrasound today to make sure everything is golden and the baby's growth is okay in midst of some placenta something that was alarming in the first trimester. (it's not that I don't care enough to understand it better, our doctor said that it's something for him to keep his eye on and me to focus on staying healthy). That being said, I was so tempted to find out the gender. again. I've learned I am way too much of a planner (or control freak, whatever.) to not find out. I've cried more than once at Babies R Us because I can't pick out anything I like for B2's nursery. and it's not that I have something in my mind and it has to look right, nothing feels right for this baby and I think if I knew if it was a boy or a girl I could get it all ready and quit stressing out about stupid silly things.

So, these additional ultrasounds are a blessing and a curse because we get to see Baby again, but then we have the opportunity to find out the gender again. it's such a tease! It doesn't help that this was never Justin's idea, always mine. By not his idea, I mean he completely disagrees, he's wanted to know since day one. BUT I didn't want to find out the first time and he did... so I compromised. I'm not doing that anymore. ha! Anyway, at this point I was thinking I should have just listened to Justin in the first place, and admitting it was just as hard as not finding out.

The ultrasound went perfectly, we were able to get some pictures of Baby and watch it moving around. The doctor said everything looked good and we have a healthy growing baby. Already it's more than a pound bigger than the average and they expect it will be even bigger than Bella was when she was born - at 8 lbs 15 oz. awesome. We did find out that it's a.... BABY! We (barely) stayed strong and didn't find out the gender! but because I'm still a little ridiculous, I did have the tech write down the sex in a card and put it in an envelope which was quickly sealed and is en route to my sister so if I really need to know, I can. Seriously though, I better be in a state of frickin EUPHORIA from the moment we find out after Baby is born! based on the baby's size, it doesn't so much sound like that will be the case. laugh so you don't cry...

Introducing to yall - Baby Bail 2.0

as you can tell I didn't need the doctor to tell me it's a boy - the kid's clearly wearing a Davy Crockett
hat and has a moustache. very mature for his age... haha, sorry baby girl. shoot.

Adding to the Roster...

What's one more?! We've been keeping this one under wraps for quite awhile... I'm 13 weeks pregnant! We would have told more people sooner than this, but I really wanted to wait so I could tell my family in Seattle and Idaho when we were visiting in person. totally worth the wait. Baby Bail #2 (B2 as J affectionately refers to it) is due to arrive March 20, 2010. We had some minor complications/scare a couple weeks ago... a blood clot tore from the placenta or something, so there was some spotting and light cramping, but 30 minutes of ultrasound and an experts promise it really wasn't a big deal, left us breathing a little easier. All is well!


We're compromising this time (read: I win!) and will wait until the delivery to find out the gender... everything in me is saying "boy" which makes me almost certain it will be a girl. This pregnancy has been almost entirely different than it was with Bell. Where the first one was ridiculously easy, this has been hard. I never had morning sickness and I couldn't find a vitamin or "fix" for the life of me for a couple of weeks. no throwing up, but constant nauseousness. the first time I wasn't incredibly tired, now I'm usually ready for bed before Bella. Since it has been so different already paired with Justin's hopefulness for a boy, leads me to believe it's likely going to be a hyped-up, curly hair, crazy energy baby boy. we'll see... in 27 more weeks.

525,600 Minutes

Happy 1st Birthday Isabella Marie.

Our lives are forever changed for the better because of you.

You have blessed us beyond measure - we love you!

Beautiful Surprise

Today was my first day back at work - it was actually easier than I thought it was going to be, but that was solely because Bella was still getting over a cold so Justin stayed home with her and I didn't have to take her to day care yet - and when I got home Justin had a surprise for me to keep my spirits up.

He took a bunch of videos we've taken since Father's Day and put it to the song I had in a previous post... my wonder boy makes my heart happy! It's too good not to share:

In My Arms

A song I came across on a fellow blogger's page and have fallen in love with it... not only doess she have an amazing sound and a phenomenal voice. This particular song I feel like, at least starts in some way to explain the incredibly fierce love I have for Baby Girl.

In My Arms - Plumb

your baby blues so full of wonder

your curley cues your contagious smile

and as I watch you start to grow up

all I can do is hold you tight knowing

clouds will rage and storms will race in

but you will be safe in my arms

rains will pour down waves will crash all around

but you will be safe in my arms

story books are full of fairy tales

of kings and queens and the bluest skies

My heart is torn just in knowing

you'll someday see the truth from lies

when the clouds will rage and storms will race in

but you will be safe in my arms

rains will pour down waves will crash all around

but you will be safe in my arms

Castles, they might crumble

dreams may not come true

but you are never all alone

'cause I will always always love you

back on the wagon

When you fall off the blogger bandwagon, is starting again just like jumping back on the horse? I never thought that of all people, I would be the one that stays so silent after having a baby. I'm not entirely overwhelmed or busy, I just haven't said much. weird.

Still, there are so many times I stare off asking myself if that really just happened (like the time, for instance, and I was feeding Bella in the bathroom of J's aunt's country club and I have a blanket draped over my shoulder when this perfect stranger old lady teeters in, takes the blanket off my shoulder takes a peek, and goes on about how I've got myself a beautiful baby. How she saw what Bella looks like when her face is on my breast I have no idea) that there will be much to blog about, but the keystrokes have remained quiet.

Really truly though, Bella is completely amazing! She's only nearly six weeks, but it seems like she's been ours forever. My parents said that we're lucky to have such an easy baby - I have nothing to compare this to though so the smallest whine or cry makes me panic and practically breaks my heart. I think she was on her best behavior while they were here though because since they've been gone there's been more crying and blank stares at me like I should know what to do next - which I rarely do. I always go through this checklist in my mind: she eats, sleeps, and poops so when she cries I feed her if it's time, change her even when she probably doesn't need it, and try to rock her to sleep. Fortunately it does get easier by the day as we learn more about each other and figure out the person we continually stare at.

A perfect example of one of the stares I'm forced to look at all day - I love it

Sugar and Spice

We’ve been keeping a little secret for almost an entire month… not intentionally, it just sort of happened. We had our horray-you're-half-way-there ultrasound in the middle of December and found out the sex of Baby Bail! I was on the fence for awhile about finding out or not, but when it came down to it and she asked if we wanted to find out if it was a girl or a boy, Justin so adamantly wanted to know that I conceded. I was so nervous about finding out for some reason, I think because I was so sure it was a girl that I felt like I would have been a bad mother because I don’t know my own baby if we found out it was a boy. It seemed like forever that she was searching for the perfect view of baby to check for the twig and berries—finally she freezes the frame and says, “do you see these two little dots” to which Justin literally throws up a fist pump and proclaims “YEAH BALLS!” we quickly learned they were actually ovaries or some other female body part I didn’t remember from my anatomy class and Baby Bail is now officially Baby Girl Bail! Justin’s excited (and adapting and thinks he needs to purchase a gun now) and I’m thrilled because I think it will be so great to have a girl first, and I kind of picture myself as a girl’s mom. Lord help me.

My mom was on the same page as Justin and she really wanted us to find out if it was a girl or a boy. If we weren’t going to find out she so kindly offered to be the gate-keeper of the secret in case I cracked and just had to know. Since she wanted to find out so badly, and I gave her her Christmas present at the beginning of December (I made a scrapbook Christmas advent calendar so she opened it December 1st) I wrapped a little pink and white polka dot dress for under the tree so when she opened it she’d figure out it’s a girl! It was practically impossible to keep it a secret though since we found out almost two weeks before Christmas. In fact, I accidentally spilled it to my sister Andrea when we were on the phone and I referenced Baby Bail as “she”.

The best part was Christmas Eve I got this frantic phone call from one of my closest friends that she just ran into my mom at church and apparently I forgot to tell her it was a semi-secret and my mom didn’t know yet. Erin approached Mom and Christmas pleasantries were exchanged before she asked Mom how excited she must be to know the sex of the baby. After a few seconds of Mom’s confused look Erin figured out that she didn’t know yet! Apparently Mom was just staring at her blankly and finally realized that I’ve known for awhile and she was the only one in the loop that didn’t know. She looked over at my brother (who was trying not to laugh too hard) and asked if he knew. Will graciously offers that not only does he know but Andrea knows too—meanwhile Erin is still standing there feeling terrible that she let Mom know that we know. (I hope I’m telling this story well enough, I think I’ve already confused myself, haha!) So I called Mom and told her to go ahead and make her one present she opens Christmas Eve be the one from me and seconds after opening it I was basically talking to myself on the phone because she was crying. again.

Introducing: Baby Girl Bail!

she's looking straight ahead to the camera
we couldn't get a profile shot because she was so squirmy. she just wasn't having it!
her cute little hand by her head

her tiny little baby girl foot
(the other foot and shin are at the far left facing different)

the best profile shot we could manage, but it's mostly to check her spine
Justin has already nicknamed her Skelator. precious huh?!

That's the Beat of the Heart

Justin and I have been anticipating the OB appointment we had on Friday for some time because we heard we would be able to hear Baby Bail’s heartbeat for the first time. It was actually the first time Justin’s had a chance to come to an appointment with me because his schedule is so full with work and grad school, but he wasn’t going to miss this one! Anticipation with excitement quickly turned into anticipation with terror when she kept sliding the instrument all over my stomach and was unable to pick anything up… I’m over 14 weeks, there has to be a heartbeat! She could tell I was getting nervous and scared (mostly because I made absolutely no effort to hide it) and even though her assurances that Baby was probably lying low making the wavelength bounce off everything but... it fell on deaf ears and I just wanted to know it was all okay.

She wheeled in the ultrasound equipment and after a few more reassuring “I’m sure it’s all okay” she found the baby and quickly pointed out the rapid movement of its little heart. I have a baby with a heartbeat, wahoo! After I calmed down and we were watching Baby Bail move around, I was thrilled she wasn’t able to hear the heartbeat and the ultrasound was necessary because I would have hated to miss the tiny miracle we were able to observe for those few precious minutes. Our baby moves too—lots! He didn’t say it but I’m sure Justin was thinking about the races it would run someday.

As we were watching the baby I saw the coolest thing I’ve ever seen… the baby was on its back and we could barely see what will be (or already is, I’m not sure) it’s profile when it turned and was facing straight on and it’s teeny tiny hand was by its head and started moving back and forth. Our baby was waving at us!!! I’m sure it sounds crazy, but Justin saw it too and we both swear it waved. It’s like it was acknowledging it already knows it has a crazy mama who worries too quickly and was saying hello letting me know it’s okay. –that part might be a stretch, but I’m going with it.

…and now for your viewing pleasure: Baby Bail

just seven short weeks ago...(the peanut cuddling the wall is Baby)