in a funk

I've been in a funk lately... I'm not sure why it came and I'm certainly not sure how to make it go away. I think a large part of it is that Justin's been in Paris on a business trip for the past week, and he's always kind of my saving grace to help me see the light and leave Negative Nancy at the door. He gets back tonight (although his flight's already 2 1/2 hours late, go figure) and I absolutely can't wait - it's always hard when J leaves for a business trip anyway, but this is the first time he's been out of the country and we can't talk as often as we normally would. Plus, I was so sure that since he was conveniently leaving the country when I have just seven weeks left, I would surely go into labor... luckily that didn't happen!

Anyway, my funk is probably due largely with work - I have the unfortunate task of handling all the complaints that come into the arena (a terrible idea considering how impatient I am) and because of a huge snowstorm we had two weeks ago causing thousands to miss the game, I'm still dealing with people who are never happy with what they're offered and are perfectly content being rude and yelling at me like it was me who controls the weather. It's actually pretty emotionally draining dealing with them so often - that and my boss has basically taken complete control over what was supposed to be my last big project before maternity leave. We have a huge event coming the arena and to initially promote it we're hosting a big luncheon for media and community members. I've been working on the PR plans and promotions for a year and all of a sudden it's taken away. Sometimes the ideas I'm bringing to the table don't even have the opportunity to leave my mouth before she shoots them down. There's no teamwork, just her dictating what her vision for this is, and me doing all the work to make it happen. It's not conducive at all, so that combined with the complainers really has me down.

Because I wear my heart on my sleeve and haven't figured out a way to change it, and I'm concerned about being stressed and that affecting Baby Girl, I've kind of just shut down I think. Problem is I can't just turn back on, if that makes any sense. blah. Then I just get even more irritated because when I'm in a funk, Baby Girl is much more quiet, and I'm absolutely in love with feeling her move around inside me. It's the most incredible thing ever, and I've been missing it. I'm sure things will change once Justin gets back - not only does he make me shake the funk but Baby Girl already adores him. She always moves more when he talks to her - recently he started singing to her too, but the only thing he could come up with was singing Sublime. I'm not sure if I should be concerned that she easily moved and kicked the most when he was singing songs about smoking joints in the morning and night to her, or if we should name her Mary Jane... I actually kinda like MJ. hmmmmmmmmm...

...and I just looked over and found a pretty little present Rocky left for me on our brand new carpet. awesome.

catching up a bit

I learned awhile ago that I can blog from my blackberry - I haven't used it yet because it's still a little confusing and quite possibly too smart for me, but I wish I did because I come up with the best stuff when I'm not close enough to a computer to actually write it and keep it. nuts. I'm going to make a conscious effort to do it next time...

After my last post I got to go to Colorado for a short weekend for a much needed break from work, it snowed almost 18 inches in less than 24 hours in Ohio, we had a 3D ultrasound, have completed one of two fastforward childbirth classes, and I've finally decided that I'm okay sharing Baby Girl with the rest of the world - until recently I haven't been in any rush to have Baby, I really like that for right now it's just me and her.

In the next week I really want to make sure I make time to blog about each one because I'm not keeping any kind of pregnancy journal, outside of the blog, and we don't want to miss having this for later (Justin even asked if I want him to post something sometime since I haven't in awhile!). For now I just want to post pictures of my niece and nephew because they haven't received enough love on my site in awhile, and spending time with them in Colorado completely rocked my world and I miss them already...

winter wonderland

It's been snowing here for over 24 hours - it's the perfect snow too with huge flakes sticking to everything including the tiniest branches of each tree. Even though I could not be more excited about going home this weekend (I'm over work and I'm over cloudy Cleveland and I need a break!) it's nice to leave on a positive note that Ohio has its moments when it's absolutely beautiful... who knew?!

This picture ran in Cleveland's main newspaper today...

needles and shots and epidurals? oh my.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and had the fine opportunity of skipping breakfast and having an orange fizzy drink instead courtesy of the lab before I had my blood drawn for a glucose test. Things went from bad to worse and having it all on a Monday morning made it that much worse...

I ought to preface everything by saying that everything is fine, Baby Girl is growing normally and other than wicked heartburn that wakes me up each and every night panicked and cranky, I'm doing fine. I ended up seeing a midwife today, which I quite prefer over our OB, and she spent a lot more time with me and never made me feel ridiculous. -and then she reminded me that when I was done in the lab getting my blood drawn I needed to come back over for some special shot since I'm one of 15% of women fortunate enough for my blood type to be negative. (the baby's blood type is very likely to be positive and it's a risk to me and a huge risk to our next pregnancy if my blood mixes with Baby Girl's blood during labor. I don't understand at all, but I generally don't.)

I got to the lab and immediately started what I can only imagine is similar to Lamaze breathing, so I can get through getting my blood drawn. I've always been afraid of needles (I still can't even get a flu shot without growing tense) but about this time last year I went through stuff and had my blood drawn so often it's quickly become one of my greatest fears. The tech asked multiple times if I was okay, explaining her reluctance to begin when my face had already lost so much of its color and she hadn't even drawn blood yet. The blood was drawn, I managed to survive, and after a refusal to lie down, went back to the OB.

The nurse comes in and she was super chill and tried to calm my fears by explaining it's just going to be a pinch, so I reluctantly followed directions, never again. I swear that woman must have finished a 100 meter sprint she jabbed that thing into my hip/stretched-mark-badonkydonk it was so hard! If you have to give it a jab to effectively give the shot, that's fine, but don't tell me it's going to be a pinch. a pinch?! I literally jumped off the table, turned and asked what the hell that was! I felt terrible... but seriously! I'm left now seriously doubting an epidural, how am I supposed to handle that? AUGH!

a goodbye of sorts

I feel like I start so many of my posts with "I've been meaning to post about this for awhile..." and it's always true. Even this post I don't quite feel like I'm ready to write, but know that if I wait for the photos I wanted to include or the perfect way to write what I want to convey, it will likely never get done - which just isn't an option for this one.

I wish I could remember my first memory of my Grandpa Woody, but I can't. I wish I had a favorite memory, but I'm not sure I do. I wish I had a closer relationship with him if for no other reason than he was such an intricate part of my California family, and now I don't have the chance. My grandma's second husband, Woody, passed a way a couple weeks ago. I didn't know him very well, my family only made it to California about once every four years when I was younger, and I can't remember him ever making it out to Colorado when Grandma would visit. When we did go to California he mostly stayed to himself and never went on the trips we'd take to Disneyland or the beach. He was always patient when my family of six invaded their small house, but he was always quiet and kind.

I do remember one year specifically when my family went to California for Christmas. One of our traditions is to go to breakfast on Christmas Eve, as we were all gearing up to head out, Grandpa Woody got out of his comfy recliner and walked toward the door announcing he was going to join us. I'm not entirely sure why, but I remember it meaning a lot to all of us. When we finally got to breakfast, he insisted on paying, which again, for whatever reason was extra special. Maybe that's my favorite memory because for that morning, we felt like part of the California family.

I almost always call my Grandma once a week, and Grandpa Woody almost always answered. We'd talk about the weather (sunny Cali, there was rarely any change) and briefly what I've been up to and finally how crazy Grandma was for going out square dancing-again. Usually our conversations were brief, only lasting 2-3 minutes, but the last time I remember talking to him he kept me on the phone. He asked me a lot about my pregnancy and mine and Justin's plans, and before we hung up he said "I love you" which is literally the only time I can remember exchanging that phrase with each other. So I don't have the memories and I can't claim to have had a deep or incredibly meaningful relationship with him, but he'll certainly be missed and I'll always be grateful for how he helped take care of my Grandma and supported my cousins and aunts.