Rarely do I win contests or prizes or giveaways – more often than not I’m the 1 of X,XXX that gets hit by a semi-truck twice or has been on not one, but two planes that were grounded for basically falling apart in flight and a fire truck followed them on the runway to the airport. I won’t win a free car, but I will be one of three that suffers a miscarriage. Turned heavy quickly, sorry. It usually does.
For years I’ve struggled with this ridiculous concept of being content. I can list every reason I have to be blessed – and I’m telling you that list is long but that pesky horizon is always in the distance and I want to know NOW what’s waiting with it. I’m simply not interested in patience. As you can imagine my time spent in prayer (or extremely unfortunately, it’s far too long been a life without it) is much the same. I can’t be still or silent. I can’t quiet my head or my heart enough to just BE with Him. I am restless in every way, in every aspect of my life. I. am. not. still.
A few months ago I entered to win Audrey Assad’s new CD ‘The House You’re Building’ from my friend Jenn and actually won! I can’t tell you how excited I was about it, not only because for once I actually won something, but because I am always on the lookout for a new Christian artist’s CD I can wear out at work and on my drive to work. I can’t recommend her album enough – I love every song on it. There’s one in particular that stops me every time and is an automatic repeat. The first time I heard it on the drive to work I was in tears because I feel like she looked into my heart and was able to say what I’ve been unable put together with an effectively simple plea that’s been on my lips for years.
So, at a point in my life where I feel lost and confused and frustrated because doors are constantly being opened and closed and windows cracked just enough to consider, and I just want direction and concrete answers instead of a revolving door, I’m going to take five minutes every day and sit still in my room with this song in my headphones and rest in Him and trust in Him. He has never forsaken me and will guard my heart if I can manage to give it to Him. Lord, still my heart. Hold me close. Without you I am hopeless. Show me who you are.
You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between and frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You
Oh, speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You're more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
You are the keeper of my heart
And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I wanna rest in You
Still my heart hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry
And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, let me rest in You
I'm restless, so restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I will rest in You
Be still and know that I am God. –Psalm 46:10
3 comments:
Just found your blog, and I enjoyed this. I, too, struggle with discontentment on almost a daily basis, and it's ridiculous because I have everything I need and enough of what I want. I think it's human nature to always feel a need for something ELSE. I think it's a daily struggle for most people, and we just have to be consistently aware of this in ourselves, and try our best to simply be still, be quiet, and give thanks.
I love your honesty and vulnerability. Thanks for sharing.
I know you know this, he is faithful! He promises to draw near to us when we draw near to him.
P.S. I love this CD too!
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