Austin Lee8 lbs 8 oz 20"
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
until next time
Today is my last day of work before B2's arrival. (I was so sure he was going to be early, but apparently, once again I'm not nearly as smart as I thought I was.) It's kind of surreal because I feel like it's the last day of school - but no one else is clearing out their locker. It's pretty unceremonious, not that it should be any different or I have these crazy expectations, but it's just a little Twilight Zone for me right now... kind of like when I graduated college a semester early and the real graduation date was still five months away and I was the only one packed. just a little bizarre.
one of my girlfriends did make some really cute cookies though, which was really nice!
I like the one that says Bella + ??? because apparently we need a name for him. We have two we're considering and I don't feel awesome about either. That's alright, I like the hourly visits from the Birth Certificate lady asking for updates... :)
I like the one that says Bella + ??? because apparently we need a name for him. We have two we're considering and I don't feel awesome about either. That's alright, I like the hourly visits from the Birth Certificate lady asking for updates... :)Sunday, March 14, 2010
in the meantime...
no new news on the baby front... I could have sworn today would be the day. I woke up and he's dropped even more and it feels like I'm carrying a bowling ball in my pelvis. The relatively constant feeling of misery aside, we're really trying to enjoy these last few days with Bella as a single child (even as the weekends are typically reserved for getting projects done around the house in preparation for a hopeful sale).
The weather's gotten a little nicer and she absolutely loves to go outside and play... J spends a lot of the hour while they wait for me to get home playing in the yard with her and Rocky and then we take her on walks with us. She likes to hold Rock's leash but it never works well for either party - even worse for Justin actually because he has to go chase him when she lets go! anyway, a few new favorites of Bella:
a born rebel. obviously.
The weather's gotten a little nicer and she absolutely loves to go outside and play... J spends a lot of the hour while they wait for me to get home playing in the yard with her and Rocky and then we take her on walks with us. She likes to hold Rock's leash but it never works well for either party - even worse for Justin actually because he has to go chase him when she lets go! anyway, a few new favorites of Bella:
singing in the rain...
a born rebel. obviously.
a "shhh don't tell Mommy moment" at dinner when I was working:
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
early arrival? or TBD?
Okay, so nearly 24 hours later and I’m no less overwhelmed, but have to update with a quick thank you to all of you who immediately emailed, called or text to give words of encouragement and empathy assuring me I’m not the only one that feels this way sometimes. It’s just a rut I know, but I’ve been stuck here for awhile and need to be more aggressive to get myself out of this.
I do want to give an update on B2’s upcoming arrival – at my OB appointment we talked about a date to induce if he doesn’t come on his own, but I would be surprised if I made it more than another week… I think he’s ready! I’m already dilated 2.5 cm and 50% effaced and have contractions every day (just not close enough together to actually cause alarm). He’s dropped and I look like I’m carrying a watermelon under my shirt, no cute basketball anymore.
I do want to give an update on B2’s upcoming arrival – at my OB appointment we talked about a date to induce if he doesn’t come on his own, but I would be surprised if I made it more than another week… I think he’s ready! I’m already dilated 2.5 cm and 50% effaced and have contractions every day (just not close enough together to actually cause alarm). He’s dropped and I look like I’m carrying a watermelon under my shirt, no cute basketball anymore.
two weeks ago at 36 weeks
QUICK STORY: not even kidding when I was working at a Cavs game this week I was doing the sideshuffle through a row of empty seats during pregame and this lady in the row in front of me leans backwards to stretch out of nowhere and I completely hit her across the head with my stomach! She turned around to apologize but couldn’t get the words out when she realized what I had clearly hit her with… her eyes got really big and horrified, it was hilarious!
My doctor started going through the signs of labor with me and I realized I have no idea at all what to do. I know I’ve done this before, but I had an idea the whole time that Bell was going to be late, my body wasn’t cooperating and I accepted she was going to make her arrival on a day scheduled by the doctor. Not this guy, I think he’s going to do it on his own, which means I’m going to be in labor on my own, I won’t be at the hospital the whole time with nurses checking on me and explaining everything to me. How completely terrifying is that?! BUT – D Day, should I make it that far, is scheduled for Friday, March 19th – that’s nine days way folks. NINE! That means tomorrow it’s only eight days, and then seven. I’m not sure if you noticed the trend (and it’s not just that I’m phenomenal at math) but those are single digits!
YES mom, I realize that women are delivering babies in shambles in Chile and Haiti right now and women even did it on the Oregon Trail (but I played the game and they only mostly survive) I’m not downplaying the severity for others, but I'm panicking all the same!
A welcomed opportunity - something I can control and plan for: I’ve started putting my hospital bag together just in case and plan on finishing tonight, I’ve got Plans A and B in place for someone to take care of Bella, and I know what we’re bringing for Baby Boy, I just need to get it all put together. Justin, however, is pretty confident all he needs for the hospital is a bag of Oreos and a tshirt. He also packed a DVD player and watched the movie 300 last time… such a boy. He seems to think his new task for this year would be to find a movie as gory as 300 to usher in another beautiful miracle of life. I’m a lucky woman. haha!
YES mom, I realize that women are delivering babies in shambles in Chile and Haiti right now and women even did it on the Oregon Trail (but I played the game and they only mostly survive) I’m not downplaying the severity for others, but I'm panicking all the same!
A welcomed opportunity - something I can control and plan for: I’ve started putting my hospital bag together just in case and plan on finishing tonight, I’ve got Plans A and B in place for someone to take care of Bella, and I know what we’re bringing for Baby Boy, I just need to get it all put together. Justin, however, is pretty confident all he needs for the hospital is a bag of Oreos and a tshirt. He also packed a DVD player and watched the movie 300 last time… such a boy. He seems to think his new task for this year would be to find a movie as gory as 300 to usher in another beautiful miracle of life. I’m a lucky woman. haha!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
opening the floodgates
I’m going to let yall in on a little secret – I’m kind of a little bit of a liar. maybe just a poser. Specifically, take my blog header: Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next… delicious ambiguity.” yeah. frickin. right.
I can’t tell you how far I am from loving the unknown and being excited to be in a whirlwind. I used to be there, I really was! I moved away from my entire family to go to college 2,000 miles away all by myself and was thrilled for the opportunity to strike out on my own and see what happened. It was terrifying, but the thought of not just taking the small step off the ledge into the unknown was scarier. I’m not sure what happened but I’m not that girl anymore, she’s lost somewhere.
I feel like every single aspect of my life is completely up in the air right now and I can’t handle it, at least not as well as I’d like. It’s not exciting, it’s annoying. I’m not trying to be all debbie downer but there’s opportunity for our lives to be shifted significantly in the next three or four months and instead of enjoying the ride until we get there, I really want a crystal ball just for a glimpse of what life entails in July. I’m incredibly disappointed in myself for thinking that way, not taking in every moment, finding joy or having faith.
We met with a realtor today to talk about selling the house, I had an appointment with my OB and picked a day to induce if he doesn’t make his appearance on his own, we figured finances for day care and if it may or may not work for me to work or try being a stay-at-home mom.
And if it’s God’s will to stay put and status quo will he magically give me the strength and community and network I need to not lose my identity? I think that’s my greatest fear, will I ever feel like “me” again? Bad mother of the year award = me. but it’s a real concern and I’m sick of going through the motions in so many aspects of my life and I’m starting with losing insincerity. In addition to all the unknown I don’t know how I’m going to do as a mother of two… this is the one thing that means the most to me, to do this well and I’m not sure what I’m doing. The most important thing and I don’t know what to do. and I hate not knowing. There’s not one thing delicious about that.
I can’t tell you how far I am from loving the unknown and being excited to be in a whirlwind. I used to be there, I really was! I moved away from my entire family to go to college 2,000 miles away all by myself and was thrilled for the opportunity to strike out on my own and see what happened. It was terrifying, but the thought of not just taking the small step off the ledge into the unknown was scarier. I’m not sure what happened but I’m not that girl anymore, she’s lost somewhere.
I feel like every single aspect of my life is completely up in the air right now and I can’t handle it, at least not as well as I’d like. It’s not exciting, it’s annoying. I’m not trying to be all debbie downer but there’s opportunity for our lives to be shifted significantly in the next three or four months and instead of enjoying the ride until we get there, I really want a crystal ball just for a glimpse of what life entails in July. I’m incredibly disappointed in myself for thinking that way, not taking in every moment, finding joy or having faith.
We met with a realtor today to talk about selling the house, I had an appointment with my OB and picked a day to induce if he doesn’t make his appearance on his own, we figured finances for day care and if it may or may not work for me to work or try being a stay-at-home mom.
And if it’s God’s will to stay put and status quo will he magically give me the strength and community and network I need to not lose my identity? I think that’s my greatest fear, will I ever feel like “me” again? Bad mother of the year award = me. but it’s a real concern and I’m sick of going through the motions in so many aspects of my life and I’m starting with losing insincerity. In addition to all the unknown I don’t know how I’m going to do as a mother of two… this is the one thing that means the most to me, to do this well and I’m not sure what I’m doing. The most important thing and I don’t know what to do. and I hate not knowing. There’s not one thing delicious about that.
I’m really tempted to throw in a disclaimer that I’m not a horrible person or incapable of being excited and seeing the blessings for what they are in the upcoming month, but there are some other things weighing down my heart a little that I can’t share to avoid airing dirty laundry that isn’t mine. but like I said, no more motions as best as I can help it. here’s to seeing clearly soon, I need to get rid of the fog.
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