a text from Andrea today: "Lili just ate something she wasn't supposed to and she blamed it on Austin! I told her that's not going to work until he's at least in the same state..."I love, love, love that girl!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Oh Lili!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Nose to the Grindstone
Something’s come over me, I’m turning into a crazy lady. I don’t recognize this person that starts to sweat a little when she pulls up to day care. My first day back at work was Monday, but since Bella’s been out of day care for three months, and will be going back in a different classroom, she went for a couple half days as a “transition”. I was nervous about her panicking and being clingy when I dropped her off since she’s been home with me so long and it turned out to be one of the few times I was nervous for good reason.
The first day she was hugging my leg and I had to walk with what had to look like the world’s worst limp as I literally dragged my leg and Bella into the playroom. She was timid for a bit but as soon as she saw the slide she seemingly forgot who I was and I was able to slip out without any big fuss, tears or major meltdown. Again, that was the first day. The next couple days I was walking with a different kind of limp, one that was more of a balancing act because Bella had to be held, she apparently lost all ability to walk. I had to walk upstairs with Bella perched precariously on my left hip while Austin swung in his car seat in my right arm. not an easy feat.
I still choke up a little when I think of the new classroom she’s in… because it’s summer and their toddler registration isn’t high (a lot of teachers keeping their kids home with them I’m guessing) she’s moving up another classroom and is now in the room for three year-olds. There’s a big difference between two and three… they were all going about their business like little people. My baby really isn’t a baby anymore. She’s a toddler – a person. what the heck?!
Dreams that Monday morning would go smoothly were quickly dashed as soon as we pulled up to the building and Bella realized she was going back to school (yes I call it school, what good mother doesn’t send her daughter to school?!). She started crying before I even got her out of the car and didn’t cease fire until I had her in their room, at which point crying turned into screaming. bloody murder. She was completely hysterical, something she’s never really done before. She was screaming so bad, I had to scold her to stop and take deep breaths. The last thing I did with her before leaving her was scold her (feel my heart breaking a little at this thought).
Austin was a cheerful baby as per usual, being a total champ through the whole ordeal. His teacher held him happily while I told her the few secrets needed to keep him his charming self and I didn’t realize I kept brushing his arm and kissing his cheek until she asked if I’d like to hug him goodbye. The second he was in my arms the tears crept up and despite my best efforts, they fell down my face as I gave him one final kiss goodbye for the day. I didn’t see that coming at all because I didn’t cry when I dropped off Bella when she was an infant on her first day… plus, it was kind of humiliating because even wearing my heart on my sleeve, I hate when people see me cry.
On my way out of the building I snuck by Bell’s class to see if she had calmed down at all only to see her sitting by herself against the wall, pacifier in mouth and tears welled watching the other kids playing and laughing (feel my heart breaking again - probably in half). I sat in my car and gathered myself, only to lose it as soon as I turned out of the parking lot for the drive into work. I’m actually a little flabbergasted what the heck is going on, I truly enjoy being a working mom. I know that I’m not going to be at my best for my kids as a stay-at-home, because I don’t have the network here not to lose my mind a little.
This wasn't the plan, but much of my life doesn't go according to plan. The controller that I am always has a backup plan, at least a Plan B and it's not uncommon for a Plan C to be tucked in my back pocket. This time, however, I decided to forgo any backup plan... I figured if I didn't have a backup then surely I'd get my first choice and the Rocky Mountains would be more than a photograph on our wall. foolish. The final two weeks of maternity leave consisted of frantically confirming day care, looking for work clothes that fit and trying to get my baby brain to focus a little. Stupid Plan B, why do you always win?? It's really not all bad not getting my way - it's been really nice to see my friends (who have become like family) at work and even if it's in the form of a press release, I'm happy to be writing again. So, if life mirrored the script I've got running in my head it would be panning out a little differently, but I'm determined to make the best of it (at least I tell myself I am in hopes my head wins over my heart this time).
The first day she was hugging my leg and I had to walk with what had to look like the world’s worst limp as I literally dragged my leg and Bella into the playroom. She was timid for a bit but as soon as she saw the slide she seemingly forgot who I was and I was able to slip out without any big fuss, tears or major meltdown. Again, that was the first day. The next couple days I was walking with a different kind of limp, one that was more of a balancing act because Bella had to be held, she apparently lost all ability to walk. I had to walk upstairs with Bella perched precariously on my left hip while Austin swung in his car seat in my right arm. not an easy feat.
I still choke up a little when I think of the new classroom she’s in… because it’s summer and their toddler registration isn’t high (a lot of teachers keeping their kids home with them I’m guessing) she’s moving up another classroom and is now in the room for three year-olds. There’s a big difference between two and three… they were all going about their business like little people. My baby really isn’t a baby anymore. She’s a toddler – a person. what the heck?!
Dreams that Monday morning would go smoothly were quickly dashed as soon as we pulled up to the building and Bella realized she was going back to school (yes I call it school, what good mother doesn’t send her daughter to school?!). She started crying before I even got her out of the car and didn’t cease fire until I had her in their room, at which point crying turned into screaming. bloody murder. She was completely hysterical, something she’s never really done before. She was screaming so bad, I had to scold her to stop and take deep breaths. The last thing I did with her before leaving her was scold her (feel my heart breaking a little at this thought).
Austin was a cheerful baby as per usual, being a total champ through the whole ordeal. His teacher held him happily while I told her the few secrets needed to keep him his charming self and I didn’t realize I kept brushing his arm and kissing his cheek until she asked if I’d like to hug him goodbye. The second he was in my arms the tears crept up and despite my best efforts, they fell down my face as I gave him one final kiss goodbye for the day. I didn’t see that coming at all because I didn’t cry when I dropped off Bella when she was an infant on her first day… plus, it was kind of humiliating because even wearing my heart on my sleeve, I hate when people see me cry.
On my way out of the building I snuck by Bell’s class to see if she had calmed down at all only to see her sitting by herself against the wall, pacifier in mouth and tears welled watching the other kids playing and laughing (feel my heart breaking again - probably in half). I sat in my car and gathered myself, only to lose it as soon as I turned out of the parking lot for the drive into work. I’m actually a little flabbergasted what the heck is going on, I truly enjoy being a working mom. I know that I’m not going to be at my best for my kids as a stay-at-home, because I don’t have the network here not to lose my mind a little.
This wasn't the plan, but much of my life doesn't go according to plan. The controller that I am always has a backup plan, at least a Plan B and it's not uncommon for a Plan C to be tucked in my back pocket. This time, however, I decided to forgo any backup plan... I figured if I didn't have a backup then surely I'd get my first choice and the Rocky Mountains would be more than a photograph on our wall. foolish. The final two weeks of maternity leave consisted of frantically confirming day care, looking for work clothes that fit and trying to get my baby brain to focus a little. Stupid Plan B, why do you always win?? It's really not all bad not getting my way - it's been really nice to see my friends (who have become like family) at work and even if it's in the form of a press release, I'm happy to be writing again. So, if life mirrored the script I've got running in my head it would be panning out a little differently, but I'm determined to make the best of it (at least I tell myself I am in hopes my head wins over my heart this time).
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Love Me My Children
perhaps a real post to come soon... for now I wanted to share some vidoes of the babies since my aunt has questioned their existence with my lack of posts lately, especially with my obvious bragging rights and responsibilities! :)
I was trying to get Austin smiling - he is the smiliest baby ever - until Bella attempted to steal the spot light. I had to give her some face time too because this girl is just hilarious with the games she plays and makes up.
Justin and I showed her how to do a cartwheel, she's probably going to be an Olympic gymnast and they'll use this in a montage of her childhood. not that I'm scripting anything...
I was trying to get Austin smiling - he is the smiliest baby ever - until Bella attempted to steal the spot light. I had to give her some face time too because this girl is just hilarious with the games she plays and makes up.
Justin and I showed her how to do a cartwheel, she's probably going to be an Olympic gymnast and they'll use this in a montage of her childhood. not that I'm scripting anything...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
No Slack on the Track
I’m not sure I’ve ever gone this long between posts, but I haven’t completely wanted to write. It’s been a month but I’m not able to write much about it because, however much they affect me, they’re not my stories to tell. While there have been some fun and funny stories to share (including Bella’s birthday party, a couple trips a visit from Emily, and Austin’s ever-growing gassy self) I can’t write all of it and I can't just write the rosy stuff without feeling like the keystrokes are insincere. I need to just find a way to let go of some things that weigh down my heart and that’s been a lifelong battle… *sigh*
BUT there’s something to pull me out of my blogger’s slump – Andrea’s birthday is today and she deserves to know she’s thought of and loved so this one goes out to you Sissy!
BUT there’s something to pull me out of my blogger’s slump – Andrea’s birthday is today and she deserves to know she’s thought of and loved so this one goes out to you Sissy!
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long 'til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on
Every time I hear this song on the radio I stop what I’m doing, turn it up and sing along. Seriously, every time to a fault, even if I’m mid-conversation with Justin. But I know you know this because your voicemail box has been littered with messages from me singing to you. If I’m in the passenger seat don’t put it past me to dance along, although it’s just one half of the dance so it’s never as good as it was for our performances, but I think of you and even years ago when we weren’t so friendly, it made me smile.
I can remember vividly making up the dance, all the stellar choreography complete with handstands, acrobats, and the worm and it. was. awesome. I remember practicing in the Baratta’s basement to really wow the crowd for the culmination of the mini talent show. We never felt the need to change it up or make a new dance for the two of us, because why mess up a good thing?! I wanted to dance with you to this song at my wedding, and then was hoping to convince you to break it out at yours…. so now I figure that’s what our daughter’s weddings will be for!
Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain, we all have sorrows
But, if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow
My first memory of you you were two years-old and Will and I were at the gumball machine at King Soopers. I’m not sure what happened, likely we didn’t share or teased you for following us, but you stood there defiantly like you didn’t care (even though your bottom lip quivered and you so obviously did) and you threatened us boldly that one day we’d be two again, and you’d show us what it feels like. my takeaway from this… at least I was smarter than you until you turned three!
There’s also the home video of you running out of our shared bedroom crying and tattling on Will and I for not letting you play the 3 Little Pigs with us unless you were the Big Bad Wolf but you didn’t want to be the wolf and we were so completely unfair. There’s so much irony laced in that now, it seems like it should be funny. It wasn’t always me against you though, when we joined forces we were something to be reckoned with… or at least our super hero Barbies were as they took flight tied to the fan above our bunk beds.
There’s also the home video of you running out of our shared bedroom crying and tattling on Will and I for not letting you play the 3 Little Pigs with us unless you were the Big Bad Wolf but you didn’t want to be the wolf and we were so completely unfair. There’s so much irony laced in that now, it seems like it should be funny. It wasn’t always me against you though, when we joined forces we were something to be reckoned with… or at least our super hero Barbies were as they took flight tied to the fan above our bunk beds.
Please, swallow your pride
If I have things that you need to borrow
For, no one can fill those of your needs
If you won't let them show
I’m sure you won’t be surprised to know that even now I still secretly sort of (completely) love when we’re around people that don’t see us together often and they gush about how similar we look. And as annoying as it was in middle school and high school when people would automatically assume you were older once they found out we weren’t twins, regardless the tiptoes I was standing on trying to be a little taller, I kind of loved that too because it was our thing. just yours and mine. It was an inside joke, a look between us when we knew the comments and questions were coming.
You just call on your brother when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have some problems that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Through the ups and downs of our relationship, I am so happy to be where we are now as friends and confidants. It’s truly been a lifesaver. and I’m so excited to watch our children grow up and become close friends, even if they’re separated by five states and the entire Midwest, or all of Central America. I’m confident they’ll be close because of the friendship that you and I have developed as we've each embarked on this ridiculous journey of being an “adult”. and I must tell you, I'm much better off for that friendship. Happy Birthday Andrea!
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