30 Things Before I'm 30

A couple months ago I came up with an idea to make up a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30 – it's just a way to keep things interesting (like three kids won't take care of that on their own!) and keep me accountable to some things I've always wanted to do, and just haven't yet. The idea isn't to be a bucket list - there are lots of things I'd like to do including much more travel - but just aren't practical to hit by this milestone.

While most of the things on my list are brand new and still to-do, there are a couple that I've already accomplished, and I'm including those to. I had some big dreams and plans when I graduated high school and am damn proud of what I’ve accomplished in the eleven years since then… so they count. There are a couple things I’ve already done that don’t qualify as proud moments, but were definitely good memories. Plus, it will get me to devote time to write about them.

So, I invite you to join me on this journey and keep me accountable for 22 things to accomplish in 12 months… 30 stories in 365 days.

30 Things to do Before I’m 30

TO DO:
1. run a half marathon
2. get a tattoo
3. learn to play the guitar
4. stop cussing
5. apply to grad school
6. climb a 14er
7. make a pineapple upside-down cake
8. a girls weekend in Las Vegas
9. audition for the Amazing Race
10. write a children’s book, even if it’s just for my kids
11. do 10 random anonymous good deeds for 10 random people
12. find three jobs for Justin to apply for overseas
13. start a company on etsy.com with Andrea
14. finish a devotional front to back
15. read a literary classic
16. take my kids camping
17. pay off a credit card or student loan
18. make a fancy shmancy five course meal complete w/ table settings
19. fire a gun
20. attempt a power hour
21. learn Portuguese well enough to order a meal with Alex
22. attend religious services for two faiths outside my own

DONE:
23. get married
24. have kids
25. graduate college
26. work for a professional sports team
27. go on a mission trip
28. be in a play
29. sneak into a movie after you’ve just seen one
30. have an uncontrollable giggle fit at the most inappropriate moment

Bella's First Concert

Wordless Wednesday

will we stay or will we go now?

I’m not sure how to start this post, so I’m jumping in: Justin got a call out of the blue from a recruiter at a wind energy company in Colorado a couple weeks ago and had a phone interview with a group of executives in England last Thursday. He was told to expect to hear from them Friday or today regarding Round II and an interview in Colorado… now it’s today and we haven’t heard anything. I’m not sure what an anxiety attack feels like, but I feel like this has to be close to it.

Before I’m tagged dramatic – which I know I can be – this position is an answer to prayers across the board in terms of finally relocating back to Colorado, finances, vacation, maintaining awesome health care, a position Justin is legitimately excited about, etc. etc. so to have this golden carrot thrown in front of us out of nowhere and now the insecurity creeping in that he may not get the position and said carrot may be yanked away is just overwhelming.

About a month ago Justin and I were having a conversation and I mentioned how I was pretty content about living in Ohio for another year because there was little movement on our house that’s been for sale for over a year, and it’d been quiet on the job front. Joe (one of J’s best friends from high school) and Molly just moved back a couple weeks ago and they have a daughter a few months older than Austin, and are expecting their second about two months after Baby Gump. We’ve always enjoyed hanging out with them and were pretty stoked about sharing the same area code again. My closest girl friend had just accepted a new job in Cleveland, ensuring she wouldn’t be leaving any time soon, and the high chance that my sister moving from Colorado in the next several months all combined to an acceptance that this may be His plan for us for now – and that was okay.

To feel settled and planning for the near future, then get my hopes up so high and now the fear that a dream opportunity may not happen terrifies me because I’m not sure how I’m going to slip back into a place of contentment. I am so tired of feeling unsettled and feel like I’ll be helpless to it all over again. I know it sounds weak and pathetic. I’m aware and unhappy with myself for feeling it – but that’s honest.

I think possibly the very worst part of this is the clarity it’s giving me to my walk and faith, or lack there of. I know with 100% certainty that God has a plan for our family, and that His plan is better than I can imagine, but from the initial phone call this has felt like every time God directs my life once I’ve finally relented control. My junior year of college when I got a late phone call with an internship opportunity with USA Basketball after not getting multiple internships I’d interviewed for. The phone call from the Cavaliers with an offer for not just a job, but my dream job, in the months that I was working two jobs to contribute. Consistently He provides when I let go.

While at first I was confident, excited and thankful that this was His hand at work again – now the cloud of doubt has grown and I wonder if He’ll allow my heart to break to bring me closer. Or will He allow it to happen because… heartache happens and it’s just not His timing right now. He’s not a manipulative God, a mastermind moving game pieces at His discretion just for fun. But at this point I find myself second guessing and even asking others to pray for us joking that God would see right through me coming to Him for help when I’ve been so quiet lately, but really thinking “just maybe…” ugh, I feel so lame.

The thing is, even in the midst of insecurity, when I can remove the emotion and just think logically (which happens next to never) there’s not one part of me that can wrap my head around him NOT making it to the second round and then after they’ve met him, not hiring him. It’s completely a ludicrous thought. Unfortunately instead I feel like I’m standing in front of a giant wave that, if it hits me, will knock me backward and thrash me around a bit until I can somehow finally figure which way is up and surface for a deep breath.

I probably shouldn’t even share this post – my emotions are elevated, I’m hormonal and I feel like a crazy person. But it’s real and raw and I figure fair game.

so much for scripting

A past post about placenta previa is here with an explanation on what it is exactly and what’s so unnerving about it.

We had another ultrasound a couple weeks ago to see if the placenta had moved away from my cervix. The specialist gave us an 80% chance of everything remaining as is, and guessed that it would likely still be covering the cervix and a c-section necessary. In most cases the placenta will gravitate north as the baby grows and you expand to make room for everything, but that was just not the case for us and the specialist was right.

It has moved a tiny bit – while it was completely covering the cervix, and even into the cervix a bit, it’s moved to only marginally covered as the placenta moved a half a centimeter to the great north. Unfortunately it has to be at least two centimeters from the cervix to be considered clear and good, and it’s still technically securely in place down low. nuts.

I talked to my OB at my most recent appointment to understand better what everything means for planning ahead… because I absolutely have to have a plan. Even living over a thousand miles away my mom hasn’t missed a birth, and Baby Gump is certainly giving us a challenge. Especially considering how heavily I’m going to rely on her to help take care of the Littles while I’m in the hospital, and I know I’m going to want my mommy when I’m recovering from the surgery, I’m up for the challenge. So I present you with Plans A, B and C:

Plan A) we have another ultrasound on August 9th and if the placenta is still in place we schedule an amniocentesis on August 26th to make sure the baby’s lungs, etc. are developed enough for the c-section. If the test results give the okay, we go straight to labor and delivery and baby makes three. I’ll be a day shy of 38 weeks and at first my OB was nervous about allowing me to go that late because of the risk of bleeding if I start dilating. BUT she’s pretty surprised I haven’t bled yet at all, so she’s confident that I can last to nearly 38 weeks. There’s a chance of bed rest if there’s spotting toward the end but as long as there’s nothing too severe, we should be in the clear.

Plan B) we have another ultrasound on August 9th and if the placenta has moved past the two centimeters then everything is a wash and we’ll wait to let Baby come in their own time around the due date of September 10th.

Plan C) we have another ultrasound on August 9th and the placenta is still in place or has moved back to where it was eight weeks ago and the specialist won’t let me wait until the end of the week for the 26th and has me schedule the amnio a week prior or that Monday or Tuesday the 22nd or 23rd. My OB is on vacation then and I’d be way more comfortable with her doing the c-section so I’m hoping that’s not the case, plus then my mom has to try to move up her flight last minute, which would be a headache and I’d imagine hurt the pocketbook.

While it’s exciting to know the potential date that we’ll know this baby but also slightly terrifying because it’s right around the corner now, which is overwhelming. We’ve been starting to move rapid fire now switching rooms around and nesting has completely kicked in. Unfortunately I’ve had a huge problem with the sciatic nerve in both legs (it’s always frickin got to be something, ugh.) which makes it so difficult to walk by the end of every day that I have to wear a belly brace to help carry the weight of Baby and hopefully ease the pain.

It’s also directly put all the stress of physically getting things done squarely on Justin’s shoulders. I can tell he’s likely close to his breaking point with all the pressure he has to carry in supporting our family nearly on his own since I’m just literally not able to help as much as usual. Now we’re trying to settle into new routines with renewed expectations and it will hopefully help release a lot of stress. We’re just exhausted… it’s only going to get easier with three, right?!

a picture six weeks ago at my college roomie's baby shower - wouldn't have pictured this seven years ago! so much fun sharing pregnancies with friends!

this was also the last time I've worn heels this summer... hello swelling. Sweet Moses.

To One of the Best

As per usual, there is much to blog about. For some reason I can’t commit to the keystrokes to make them happen… I need to give an update on the pregnancy with Baby Gump (previa is still firmly in place so c-section it is. meh.), a treasured and must needed visit from my sister and her kiddos, the car shopping experience for a car I don’t even want (just call me Soccer Mom!) and general updates on my Littles including speech screenings for Bella, development milestones for Austin, some one liners from Bell and pictures and videos that make my heart happy. None of those will be covered today though, instead in honor of one of my best friends’ birthdays I want to talk about Miss Mandy Lee.

To date one of my favorite summers of my life started immediately after high school graduation and lasted until the day my new found friend went to college. It’s been dubbed the summer of Dana and Mandy and we have countless inside jokes that always come up when we’re reminiscing – and we laugh every time because separately we’re pretty funny but together we’re downright hilarious. at least that’s what we’ll tell you with every opportunity.

Mandy and I were in similar social circles in high school – which is a lie because she was way more popular than I was but we at least had overlapping friends so I’ll call it a similar circle – and during one off period toward the end of the school year we were talking about how unfair it was that we don’t get to wear any special ropes to signify our almost-smarty pants, because we may not have had a high enough GPA to warrant them, but we sure tried hard. sometimes. We exchanged numbers and decided we were going to go to the craft store and find our own that we’d wear for good measure. That of course never happened but it was enough to start us on our merry way…

That summer we went to Rockies games, youth group outings, crashed boys only trips to Water World, celebrated birthdays, had our first drink (okay, mine.), went to clubs for the first time (okay, again mine. yeah, 18 and up. haha!) a most-memorable trip to Kansas, speeding tickets, crushes, etc. etc. A few highlights include the time we were at the water park bouncing our tube back and forth to each other while waiting in line, and when I almost fell down the stairs of the tower of the ride we were waiting for because I wasn’t looking when she bounced it to me, this old guy told us our stupidity was a team effort. I’m pretty sure we were meant to be offended but we found it hysterical and it’s been our mantra ever since. On our drive to KU to visit my sister we stopped at a gas station to pee – which happened at least ten times – and each time we’d don our Hawaiian hats and leis and make our way in. One stop a little boy tugged on his dad’s shirt and asked why we’re dressed like that. His response was that we clearly didn’t get enough attention as children. Again, may offend most but we laugh about it still.

Even though we’re not able to talk as much as we once did, I don’t feel like we’ve ever drifted. My life settled quickly with a husband, babies and a mortgage while she’s traveled all over and lived in Miami, New York City and now Los Angeles. It’s such a blessing how even with fairly different lifestyles our unspoken connection and similarities compliment each other and I truly believe we bring out the best in each other. She has one of the kindest hearts I know and a child-like innocence in the way she chooses to view the world around her that draws you in and makes you want to be around her. At the same time, she’s a strong woman that knows her value and doesn’t allow others to take advantage of it. Best part is, at the end of the day she’s much like me – feisty as hell. a perfect compliment!

Here’s to you Mandy – MissYouLoveYou!