back on the wagon

When you fall off the blogger bandwagon, is starting again just like jumping back on the horse? I never thought that of all people, I would be the one that stays so silent after having a baby. I'm not entirely overwhelmed or busy, I just haven't said much. weird.

Still, there are so many times I stare off asking myself if that really just happened (like the time, for instance, and I was feeding Bella in the bathroom of J's aunt's country club and I have a blanket draped over my shoulder when this perfect stranger old lady teeters in, takes the blanket off my shoulder takes a peek, and goes on about how I've got myself a beautiful baby. How she saw what Bella looks like when her face is on my breast I have no idea) that there will be much to blog about, but the keystrokes have remained quiet.

Really truly though, Bella is completely amazing! She's only nearly six weeks, but it seems like she's been ours forever. My parents said that we're lucky to have such an easy baby - I have nothing to compare this to though so the smallest whine or cry makes me panic and practically breaks my heart. I think she was on her best behavior while they were here though because since they've been gone there's been more crying and blank stares at me like I should know what to do next - which I rarely do. I always go through this checklist in my mind: she eats, sleeps, and poops so when she cries I feed her if it's time, change her even when she probably doesn't need it, and try to rock her to sleep. Fortunately it does get easier by the day as we learn more about each other and figure out the person we continually stare at.

A perfect example of one of the stares I'm forced to look at all day - I love it