Before I remind you what they say about a woman’s intuition… our little baby is 100% healthy and measuring perfectly. We didn’t find out the gender so for now he/she remains affectionately Baby Gump. I, on the other hand, currently have placenta previa. I think babycenter.com has the best explanation of what it means now and what it could mean later. Basically the placenta is below the uterus instead of next to or above it which is bad news bears because it’s completely covering my cervix. At this point I was reminded why I became a Communications major when they began, God forbid, using medical terms I should know since I’ve had two babies, but had no clue. So... the explanation I wish I had in that office:
Typically placenta previa goes away by itself before the third trimester and labor and delivery gets to happen as per usual. If it doesn’t go away then a c-section is necessary and scheduled 2-3 weeks before the due date. My understanding is it’s scheduled early because if the cervix starts to dilate when the placenta is still covering it, it can tear and bleeding happens – which it goes without saying is no bueno. Unfortunately the high-risk OB we saw looked at my ultrasound and deliberated pretty quickly that it would likely not go away. He actually gave an 80% chance that it stays. meh.
I’m struggling with this because I know completely that the baby’s health is the most important, but in the back of my mind I’m pretty sad and scared. Justin and I figured and hoped to have three children – but we were surprised to find out we were pregnant so quickly after Austin was born, especially since we weren’t trying to conceive. It was also overwhelming to learn I was pregnant when I was just barely in the throws of being a stay-at-home mom, and feeling like I was sinking as it was.In an attempt to feel less overwhelmed I started looking ahead toward the things I loved most about having babies. After nine months of pregnancy I loved finally being able to be an active part of getting the baby here to meet us when it was time to push (as a pseudo control freak this was especially sentimental to me). I LOVED having the babies put on my chest and having a moment that was just us, however brief it would last, as it was kind of the last time it was just me and them like it had been all the months in utero. I loved the connection that was quickly and luckily seamless formed when I breastfed within minutes of birth. This… as I understand goes out the window with a c-section. My girlfriend Molly who had to have one said it was more than two hours before she saw her baby again after seeing her quickly on the other side of the c-section curtain. Two hours?! It just makes me sad to know that the things I love, I may miss.
I’m also scared… I truly don’t mean to go to worst case scenario but it’s hard to hear and read the possible complications and not assume it’ll happen to me. (Keep in mind I am the girl who was hit by two semi-trucks by the time she was 23. Sounds dramatic, but seriously.) In the midst of this I’ve learned I’m really lucky to not have had any bleeding yet, but there seems to be this three strike policy where if you report having bled three times you’re put on bed rest if not hospitalized until the baby arrives. Justin keeps glossing over that possible reality because he knows it would make me a crazy person – and WTF would we do if I couldn’t take care of the kids all day? I could, without exaggeration, curl up and cry at the thought of bleeding or hemorrhaging again (it happened when I miscarried my first pregnancy and was quite literally the worst experience of my life). None of the negative might happen, but the fact it exists is mildly terrifying. I don’t go through life fearing it, but this is getting to me.
I also understand that the 80% chance it’ll still be here in my third trimester is nothing to God. He couldn’t care less about percentages or expert opinions… and I’m grasping onto that reality as tightly as I can, but I’m not as strong as I used to be able to convince myself I am. So, prayers right now are appreciated… for my heart to accept the outcome and push the fears to bay and my mind to rest and be at ease. I don’t mean for this post to be so Negative Nancy, especially in light of our healthy growing baby and a c-section is really truly not that big of a deal, I’m just struggling.
from a recent conversation with my friend Mandy (who makes my heart happy): "How many days call for 80% chance of rain, and end up sunny? You don't pack an umbrella for an 80% chance of rain."
